Top 20 Sweet and Funny Tweets For Valentine’s Day

overheard a teenage boy buying a Valentine's card that said 'we are the same kind of weird'. shop assistant said 'is this for your girlfriend?' and he said 'no, it's for my grandma'
:')

— Deirdre (@figgled) February 13, 2020

Me: Do you want me to pick up some Valentine's candy for you and the girls today?

Wife: Absolutely not.

Me: Seriously?

Wife: It'll be on sale tomorrow.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 14, 2018

I asked my dad what he’s doing for Valentine’s Day and he said “your mom and I have been married 40 years so we don’t care about stuff like that” then I asked my mom what she’s doing for Valentine’s Day and she said “idk but I hope your dad has something fun planned!”

— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) February 14, 2022

“What did you get her for Valentine’s Day?”

UNMARRIED GUY: a card, flowers, perfume and i’m cooking dinner

MARRIED GUY: we got a new garbage disposal last month

— Eeric (@ericsshadow) February 14, 2018

Be careful celebrating Valentine’s Day you crazy kids, or you may end up with another guest come Thanksgiving.

– Mom of 2 November babies

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 14, 2020

HUSBAND: I got the dog heart shaped cookies for Valentine’s Day.

ME: *through a mouthful of cookies* The dog?

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2019

My husband made me a really romantic dinner once. When I finished cleaning the kitchen a week later, I warned him never to do anything like that to me ever again.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 26, 2019

My husband proposed two days after Valentine's day so that every year he could get me discounted flowers and chocolates on the anniversary instead of the holiday

— c🐞 (@shesatornado) February 15, 2019

Asked my Grandpa what the secret to staying married is. He said, "I said I do so I will."

That's more profound than most people know

— Nick Preston (@_nickpreston) July 30, 2017

Therapist: Are you two still romantic?

Me: I left him a heart made of post-it notes on the bathroom mirror last week.

Husband: There were chores written on all of them.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) February 13, 2020

Him: tell me your wildest fantasy
Me: 14 hours of sleep and then a buffet breakfast

— Ali Kolbert (@AliKolbert) March 17, 2019

My wife and I agreed not to get each other anything for Valentine’s Day but I can’t stop feeling nervous.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 14, 2021

My husband just "ran out for a quick errand" and I could tell by the panic in his eyes he just realized Valentine's Day is tomorrow.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 13, 2017

A happy Valentine's Day is when you both agree to go to dinner the day before or the day after Valentine's Day.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) February 10, 2023

My husband and I exchanged Valentine's Day cards 2 days ago in the card aisle at Target and then returned them to the shelf because we'd rather purchase Valentine's Day cannolis.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 14, 2022

I just watched my husband pour his orange juice into a measuring cup and sip it like a fine wine while walking past a sink full of dishes in case you were wondering how married people celebrate Valentine’s Day

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 14, 2022

My wish for all of you is that you receive a Valentine as wholesome as the one my 11 year old son received today. pic.twitter.com/nOl1y3ZCBC

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 12, 2021

My son got this balloon on Valentine's Day. He accidentally let go & it floated to the ceiling. Days later it was still up there. I said, "be patient, it will come down" but he didn't believe me. "If it comes down I get an iPad!" he said. I agreed. Then I glued it to the ceiling. pic.twitter.com/jR7RuvwDa4

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 23, 2020