The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these bring some smiles to your day!
Janene
#1
The person I am when I make plans and the person I am when the day of those plans arrive are two very different people.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) July 19, 2024
#2
we stayed at an air bnb with the most perfect pillows. a revelation. perfectly firm but soft. my neck stopped hurting. so I wrote down the brand and item number from the tag and looked it up and they're the same pillows we have at home
— katie (@katefeetie) July 16, 2024
#3
caught up with a high school friend who said he has a new gf of 3 months and showed me a framed pic of her on his desk at work… i was like thats sooo cute you have that on your desk after 3 months?? and he was like yea i bring it back and forth between my nightstand and my desk
— puppy small (@snoutwife) July 18, 2024
#4
The lady in front of us sampling all the flavors has apparently never eaten ice cream before, what do you mean “tell me about your rocky road”
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 18, 2024
#5
Interviewed a lovely young man for the coffee shop.
— Tashy McTashface (@TashP351) July 17, 2024
Reading through his CV I said “oh you worked for so & so, hopefully not while the infamous horrible rude woman was the manager there?!”
“My mum? Yes.”
😬
#6
obsessed with the woman in my yoga class who paid for 60 minutes and laid motionless on the floor the entire time
— Cat (@CatOrman1) July 15, 2024
#7
i will never get over my grandmother who was born in literal January having a birthday brunch in AUGUST because and i quote “i’ve never had a summer time birthday before!” like, ma’am…. sure.
— $osa (@itsleesosa) July 15, 2024
#8
Air bnb should provide breakfast that’s the second b
— bel (@beldrury) July 18, 2024
#9
Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, but for menopause
— Jennifer Savran Kelly (@savranly) July 16, 2024
#10
We are such a funny little species. Some of us collect seashells. Others like to "maximize revenue"
— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) July 17, 2024
#11
Flirting in your 40s: I have three different flavors of Tums in my purse
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 17, 2024
#12
intuitive eating is so funny as a concept . my body has never intuited that it is time to stop eating cheese and crackers
— jordan (@mosscircle) July 17, 2024
#13
Sorry I can't come, the internet service provider guy is supposed to come between 9am and 2028.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) July 19, 2024
#14
Guys I tried not buying the little treat and saving money and it was not worth it
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 19, 2024
#15
when my grandkids ask me what it was like to be alive in the 2020s I’m going to get up and leave the house and quietly walk into the mist
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) July 13, 2024
#16
potential hot take but i find interrupting the hold music every 20 seconds to tell me you’re experiencing longer than average hold times is more annoying than just having me on hold for a long time
— gnarly rae jepsen (@lizmaebrooks) July 16, 2024
#17
waiting in line for an oil change. this ain’t no jiffy lube. this is a leisurely lube
— lizzy grace, fairy mother 🧚🏻♀️💌 (@frizzydizzyliz) July 19, 2024
#18
My grandad thinks “butt dial” and “booty call” mean the same thing so imagine how funny it is to hear “JASMINE DID YOU BOOTY CALL ME YESTERDAY???” being yelled at you at 10:45 am.
— Grip Bayless✨ (@talleyberrybaby) July 18, 2024
#19
Imagine being an adult that is certain they have lids for all the tupperware boxes they own, and knows where they are, and doesn't have an entire drawer in the kitchen taken over by non-matching bits of useless plastic.
— Fran (@whingewine) July 19, 2024
Just IMAGINE.
#20
My husband suggested that we go to the pub separately to relive our first date.
— єℓαιηє (@elainesim28) July 15, 2024
So he walked over to me at the bar and asked "Hi gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?"
I replied "Get lost, I'm not falling for that again".
