25 Funny Marriage Tweets That Every Woman Will Relate To

Scrolling through memes and tweets on social media, sometimes it seems like we are all married to the same man LOL. I’m always like, “Hey, my husband does that too!”

I’ve rounded up some funny and relatable tweets about life with husbands…hope these bring you some laughs!

Janene

#1 My husband laughed out loud at this one…

Sometimes I hide condiments from my husband by moving them 3 inches to the left.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 6, 2020

#2 Right?? Why do they do this?!

Husbands be like, “I’m gonna nap in this room that everyone uses and then act grumpy when everyone uses it.”
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 30, 2020

#3 Sounds about right…

My husband is helping me relax this morning by making breakfast for the family. He’s asked me 12 different times what we all want to eat, set off the smoke alarm twice and is now yelling for everyone to eat cereal
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) June 1, 2022

#4 Yup…

Sorry we're late but my husband's keys were exactly where I said they were
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 24, 2021

#5 Prayers for this guy…

We have 25 people coming over tomorrow for a bbq. 6 moms. 6 dads. 13 toddlers under the age of 4. My husband said if I took our girls out today that he’d ‘get the house ready.’ What did he clean in the 2 hours we were gone? The top of the fridge. He cleans the TOP OF THE FRIDGE.
— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) June 25, 2023

#6 My poor husband can relate…

I tested the strength of my husband by having him rearrange the living room furniture. I tested the strength of our marriage by having him move the furniture back to where it originally was.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 3, 2022

#7 Uh-oh…

Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
— Annie Hatfield (@AnneHatfieldVO) June 3, 2015

#8 Uh-oh, now you’re gonna have TWO people pissed off…

My husband pissed me off so when he wasn't looking I poured water on the floor in front of the dishwasher. He's been fixing it for the past 2 hours.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 12, 2019

#9 Seems fair LOL…

Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife's is around $643.27. Apparently
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 19, 2013

#10 That deserves serious pause LOL…

Wife: IT’S OVER! GET OUT!

Me: Ok, good luck killing spiders

Wife: Wait
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 20, 2018

#11 A daily occurence…

My husband is with me every step of the way, in life, in love, in faith, in front of the kitchen drawer I need to get to
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 21, 2022

#12 Five minutes?

When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 30, 2015

#13 Right?? Yes, there is.

My husband thinks he can just add random items to my junk drawer and I’m like HELLO THERE IS AN APPROVAL PROCESS
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 31, 2021

#14 Or the third time, or the fourth time…

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) June 8, 2022

#15 Wives remember everything…

Hubs, “I can’t remember if I locked the door.”

Me, “But do you remember flirting with that waitress and tipping her 34 percent at Outback Steakhouse in 2012? Her name was Debbie.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 20, 2017

#16 Oh boy…

My husband is helping me relax by taking the kids to school this morning. We went over the drop off procedure 37 times and he just left without one of the kids.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 24, 2019

#17 My husband calls or texts me from the store EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Sent my husband to the store & then turned off my phone because it’s time to teach independence.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 7, 2018

#18 That’d be a hard pass for me as well. A couple of weeks maybe, but a year is a loooong time…

My husband just told me he wants a divorce.

Actually his exact words were “I think it would be cool for the whole family to live in an RV and travel the country for a year,” but tomato, to-mah-to
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) June 24, 2020

#19 Rookie mistake, buddy…

Prayers for my husband who very tragically got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 28, 2020

#20 I can relate!

*watching husband sleep*

Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"

*husband snores*

Me: "I can't live like this."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016