Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Not my parents getting same-day delivery on a Lite Brite for my kids when I spent two years asking for one in the '90s.
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 18, 2024
#2
No one can use their debit at the grocery store and an old lady just cut in front of all of us in line like the tortoise passing the hare because she is writing a check.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 19, 2024
#3
Wife just convinced daughter we couldn’t set up a camera to film the tooth fairy ‘because of GDPR’.
— Alistair Barrie (@AlistairBarrie) July 16, 2024
Handy being married to a compliance manager.
#4
My dogs are always 100% by my side, unless my kids are eating food in their rooms, which they are not to do. So, whenever I am sans dogs, I yell, “Get the food outta your room!”
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) July 17, 2024
Just heard my 10 y/o say to his Fortnite buds, “Omg you guys, I think my mom’s a witch!”
Success😎
#5
toddler patting my belly three days after I gave birth: "you said the baby made your belly big, but the baby is out of your belly and your belly is still big. I think the food made your belly big too."
— 🪻bosco🪻 (@selentelechia) July 18, 2024
wow
#6
1 week away
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 20, 2024
5 hours in the car
Turn the key
Enter house
Kids: What’s for dinner?
#7
At my age if I ask my kid "what did I just say?" it's a genuine question
— Wisecracking Blonde (@RoobsC) July 16, 2024
#8
Just watched my youngest child kick an ice cube under the fridge.. they grow up so fast.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) July 17, 2024
#9
Ran out of syrup mid-waffle, and by the look on my kid's face, I will be hearing from his lawyer
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 18, 2024
#10
Our youngest son graduated with a bachelor's degree in English. We bought him a car because we're proud of him. And because he'll probably have to live in it.
— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) July 18, 2024
#11
[6 AM]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 20, 2024
Child [coming out of bedroom]: Do you think Lightning McQueen has car insurance or life insurance?
Me [rubbing temples]: It is way too early for this.
#12
6 teenagers are coming to our house for my oldest's 15th birthday party and they're sleeping over. This is my last tweet cause this will be the death of me
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 20, 2024
#13
No one:
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 20, 2024
Absolutely no one:
No one at all:
My 3yo, at top volume: MY FAVORITE DRINK IS APPLE JUICE. AND MY BROVVER'S FAVORITE DRINK IS MILK. BUT NOW HE IS A BIG BABY AND HE CAN HAVE COW MILK IN A BOTTLE, NOT BR€AST MILK. DID YOU KNOW APPLE JUICE IS THE COLOR OF PEE PEE WATER
#14
Waiting at the barber shop to get my 9yo a haircut and he points to the balding guy in front of us and says "well he shouldn't take too long."
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 19, 2024
#15
4yo: Mom you won’t have to clean up after dinner tonight
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 20, 2024
Me: oh why not?
4yo: I invited the mouse from If You Give a Mouse a Cookie over, he’s gonna do it
Oh great, thanks glad that’s covered.
#16
Hacker: Give us your password or else
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) July 18, 2024
30 minutes later…
Me: OK, now try 1987 and three exclamation points
#17
When I empty my daughter’s pockets before doing her laundry. pic.twitter.com/BijMVHxqAl
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 14, 2024
#18
My driving skills are wasted on my kids, like when I manage to get us across town in 20 minutes, instead of a standing ovation they’re all like: I forgot my swimsuit, can you can go home and get it?
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 17, 2024
#19
Mom’s are geniuses 🤣 this lady on TikTok told her 4 year old son that if he willingly goes to school and behaves 5 days a week she’ll let him skip 2 days and do whatever he likes 🤣❤️ oh the day little man discovers the weekend there will be blood!😭
— Stallion 🐎 (@nosi____) July 19, 2024
#20
Love to be writing notes in a legal pad for a closing argument, flip to the next page, and find this: pic.twitter.com/87N87mg0AB
— Dígame Concejal (@RSGAT) July 16, 2024
