Here’s a little round-up of some posts I thought you might enjoy.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
there’s a cycle on our dishwasher that’s so long it would be quicker if i just washed them myself, went to lunch, built a model airplane, had dreams about becoming an actor, went on some auditions, got my dreams crushed, moved to the suburbs, started a family, bought a house,
— Sunshine Jarboly (@SunshineJarboly) May 27, 2024
#2
The thing I miss the most about my grandfather is that anytime the phone rang, he would pick up and answer with “State your problem” instead of hello. Pure legend
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) January 19, 2025
#3
bridal shower ok. baby shower, sure. but what we really need is unemployment showers – imagine you get laid off or quit your job and you throw a party and all your friends have to bring you gifts
— trash jones (@jzux) January 18, 2025
#4
“I can bench 250” ok well I can nap for 2 hours and still be tired
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 24, 2025
#5
Whoever invented the idea of Garlic bread should have their face printed on every single bank note in the world and have a bank holiday made for them to celebrate such a creation
— Connor (@_ConnorM) October 18, 2019
#6
Nightmare scenario: you go to an ice cream shop with your husband and place your order then he says “nothing for me, thanks”
— neature vs norture (@chionogirl) January 19, 2025
#7
My daughter in college texted me and asked where to go to get air in her tires. I told her the gas station and I swear on all that is holy her response was this, “I only have $88 in my bank account. Will it cost more than that?”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 23, 2019
#8
Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) January 23, 2025
#9
Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 21, 2023
Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024
#10
hydroflask this, stanley cup that. i need an upside down water bottle i can screw to the side of my bed and drink from at 3 am like a gerbil
— madimoiselle ♡ (@drivingmemadi) April 16, 2023
#11
My kid put his shoe on then asked me what foot the other shoe goes on and just like that his college fund became my vacation fund.
— Moderately Mom (@moderately_mom) June 15, 2021
#12
Just had to take a urine sample to my GP and at reception they asked me “does the doctor know about this already”. No, no. I just brought a cup of my wee as a present. Please don’t spoil the surprise.
— Differently Dave (@GoldenVision90) May 29, 2024
#13
I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.
— 𝕁𝕠𝕙𝕟 🎩 (@Jumperjohn1976) January 12, 2025
#14
Our dog knows way too many phrases now, so my husband and I have resorted to talking like Victorian nobility to get anything by him. "Have you taken the dog on a brisk adventure recently? Would you escort the canine to the backyard, forthwith? Has he supped yet?"
— Ashley Reisinger (@Awritesinger) April 22, 2023
#15
My daughter apparently submitted a handwritten cover letter and resume to the daycare attached to her school to apply for a job working with the toddlers. She said she has 8 years of experience.
— star•gyal (@beequammie) April 21, 2023
She's 8 years old.
#16
I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.
— Mumnipotent Ruler (@MumOfTw0) November 15, 2022
#17
My 4yo was struggling to put his shorts on this morning. I went to help him, pulled the waistband up, and an alarm clock flew out the leg hole
— sarah (@sarahradz_) January 14, 2025
#18
Me: *buys a bra*
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 8, 2023
The internet: you like BRAS? perhaps you like ONLY BRAS?? Do you need 10,000 BRAS? Do you need to see a new bra every .5 SECONDS?? HERE ARE ALL THE BRAS FOREVER!! YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FAMILY’S POSTS AGAIN ONLY BRAS!
#19
sometimes an album is good because it came out when i was 17
— miranda (@mirandareinert) September 1, 2022
#20
I cooked a frozen lasagna with frozen garlic bread and a frozen apple pie for dessert and my son (literally oblivious this was all store bought) looked at me so genuinely and said, “In my life, I have never had anything you have made that tasted as good as this.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 12, 2023
#21
Hacker : I have all your passwords
— Vαɳҽʂʂα🐤🐣🐥 (@DreamsSarcastic) January 11, 2025
Me : OMG thank you what are they
#22
When I was in elementary school, I won first place in three years of science fairs. When my daughter was in elementary school, I also won first place in three science fairs.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) January 15, 2025
#23
I accidentally take a screenshot of my phone background at least once a week.
— Kristen (@Kica333) January 12, 2025
#24
taking your keys on a trip feels so silly it’s like hmm yeah lemme bring these just in case where i’m going they have My Door
— charlie (@chunkbardey) June 30, 2025
#25
Got a pet cam to figure out what in God’s name goes on in this house while I’m gone and this is not surprising in the slightest pic.twitter.com/UJu5ernDxp
— Sarah Axelrath MD (@DrSarahAxelrath) December 2, 2023
