If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 21, 2023
Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024
#2
i don’t want to get up. i want to stay in bed until the day my grandson wins tickets to a chocolate factory
— regular david (@OrdinaryAlso) October 3, 2022
#3
My coworker said she never saw the movie I was quoting because it came out before she was born and I’m not sure I can work in these conditions.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 26, 2023
#4
My daughter in college texted me and asked where to go to get air in her tires. I told her the gas station and I swear on all that is holy her response was this, “I only have $88 in my bank account. Will it cost more than that?”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 23, 2019
#5
Toddlers are the best people on earth, I went out to dinner at a diner with my 3yo and when we were done eating he asked the waiter if we had to do the dishes or if he was going to do it.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 21, 2023
#6
hydroflask this, stanley cup that. i need an upside down water bottle i can screw to the side of my bed and drink from at 3 am like a gerbil
— madimoiselle ♡ (@drivingmemadi) April 16, 2023
#7
Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Pancake mix is too runny. Adds mix. Pancake mix is too thick. Adds water. Feeds family 120 pancakes.
— regular david (@OrdinaryAlso) August 26, 2018
#8
tv is such a powerful medium. The phrase ‘moderate to severe plaque psoriasis’ has been rattling around in my head since I was like four
— danielle weisberg for hire (@danielleweisber) May 16, 2023
#9
listen carefully. because i will NOT repeat myself. because i will NOT remember what i said.
— regular david (@OrdinaryAlso) May 18, 2022
#10
Our dog knows way too many phrases now, so my husband and I have resorted to talking like Victorian nobility to get anything by him. "Have you taken the dog on a brisk adventure recently? Would you escort the canine to the backyard, forthwith? Has he supped yet?"
— Ashley Reisinger (@Awritesinger) April 22, 2023
#11
My daughter apparently submitted a handwritten cover letter and resume to the daycare attached to her school to apply for a job working with the toddlers. She said she has 8 years of experience.
— star•gyal (@beequammie) April 21, 2023
She's 8 years old.
#12
my son just called a vegetable peeler a carrot sharpener so that’s what it is now
— vision bored (@visionbored2) April 29, 2024
#13
there should be like a second horn on your car for when the light is green and the person in front of you isn't going bc they're on their phone but you're not like mad about it. hi bestie i love you beep beep it's driving time
— cait.bsky.social (@punished_cait) May 9, 2023
#14
Me: *buys a bra*
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 8, 2023
The internet: you like BRAS? perhaps you like ONLY BRAS?? Do you need 10,000 BRAS? Do you need to see a new bra every .5 SECONDS?? HERE ARE ALL THE BRAS FOREVER!! YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FAMILY’S POSTS AGAIN ONLY BRAS!
#15
sometimes an album is good because it came out when i was 17
— miranda (@mirandareinert) September 1, 2022
#16
I cooked a frozen lasagna with frozen garlic bread and a frozen apple pie for dessert and my son (literally oblivious this was all store bought) looked at me so genuinely and said, “In my life, I have never had anything you have made that tasted as good as this.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 12, 2023
#17
I’m not gullible enough to be lured into a cult but I am nosy enough
— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) June 27, 2023
#18
Terrible news, everybody. I’ve started exercising and eating healthy and I actually feel better.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 27, 2023
#19
Got a pet cam to figure out what in God’s name goes on in this house while I’m gone and this is not surprising in the slightest pic.twitter.com/UJu5ernDxp
— Sarah Axelrath MD (@DrSarahAxelrath) December 2, 2023
#20 This made me laugh out loud…she is too cute!
This little girl must be protected at all costs. She is the future. 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/OWakbLNbiM
— Charlotte Clymer 🇺🇦 (@cmclymer) April 21, 2023
