The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these help you start the weekend off with some smiles!
Janene
#1
I’ve officially rescheduled my wedding to 2026… such a difficult decision but it’s for the best due to due my schedule and the current climate. It will also give me more time to find the person I’m marrying so I guess it works out.
— B 💋 (@raysofberry) April 23, 2024
#2
Age 25: I need cute shoes for this event.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) April 26, 2024
Age 45: I need cute shoes for this event that I can also wear to work and walk several miles in, don’t make me look old or like I’m trying too hard, won’t hurt my little toe or lower back, will last a minimum of 10 years & are on sale.
#3
Sorry I was late I was refilling my purse Ibuprofen with my bathroom Ibuprofen.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) April 23, 2024
#4
THIS MAN CAME TO MY JOB AND CALLED ME RUDE AND ASKED ME FOR CORPORATE NUMBER…I GAVE HIM MY NUMBER HE SNATCH THE PAPER OUT MY HAND TALKIN BOUT YOU ARE DONE 😂 NAH BUDDY YOU ARE WHEN U CALL THAT NUMBER AND ITS ME AGAIN 😭🤣
— Elizabeth (@doitmuvaaa) April 23, 2024
#5
It's okay, facial recognition. I don't recognize myself anymore either.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 25, 2024
#6
I would do literally anything to lose 5 pounds right now except change my diet or increase my exercise.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 21, 2024
#7
Please don’t ask me what “my passion” is. I'm an adult. I consider it a win if nothing expensive breaks, I don't find a new bruise, and my favorite dish soap goes on sale.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 23, 2024
#8
They say ‘do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life’ but I don’t think watching Netflix and eating nutella straight out the jar will pay very much
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) April 19, 2024
#9
I have a coworker who keeps cans of pop in her desk drawer and drinks them room temp. Tepid diet Dr. Pepper. Every day. Haunting. Concerning. Perhaps indicative of criminal behavior.
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) April 23, 2024
#10
There are really only two seasons:
— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) April 24, 2024
soup
salad
#11
You don't scare me, you're not a group of middle schoolers I have to walk past
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 26, 2024
#12
Them: you smell nice
— Kate again (@Kateness8) April 21, 2024
Me: thanks, it’s the dryer sheet I just found in my sleeve
#13
My only goal in life is to be someone that would impress Shania Twain much
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 20, 2024
#14
I didn’t manage to get the dishes done but I did win 10 games of solitaire in a row.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) April 23, 2024
#15
if you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds
— nika (@nikalamity) April 23, 2024
#16
spring pros: pretty much everything
— trash jones (@jzux) April 22, 2024
spring cons: becoming harder to enjoy soup
#17
Uber driver: Sorry, no ingles.
— Jas (@JasmineCie) April 25, 2024
Me: No hay problema. Como estas?
Uber driver: Ma’am, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel like talking.
😂😂😂
#18
Me watching a movie where the characters are involved in long action sequences: When’s the last time these people ate?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 22, 2024
#19
You know you're getting old when you find yourself genuinely thrilled about your favorite dish sponge coming in a few new colors.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 26, 2024
#20
You get to pick one thing to be good at every week – working out, cooking, no screens, kicking ass at work, clean house. If you try to pick two things, you get sent to the back of the line and get no things.
— girl fieri (@realgirl_fieri) April 27, 2024
#21
Emails be like unsubscribe here and then they send you an email to tell you you’ve unsubscribed.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 22, 2024
#22
When I say I just need to take a “quick shower” what I mean is my regular length shower.
— Rachel (@RachelNoise) April 26, 2024
#23
Me waiting for my friend’s feedback on the show I suggested like I created it myself or something
— L (@Ann_Hedonia1) April 27, 2024
#24
My husband accepted an invite to a bbq for us and said we would bring a salad, like “we” has anything to do with it.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) April 27, 2024
#25
Just saw this 😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/CIlJS1LTXN
— Julie (@julhat) April 25, 2024
