Just some funny and relatable tweets to lighten up your day..hope these bring you some smiles!
Janene
#1
I never buy chips because then I’ll eat them, so instead I look in my pantry everyday and am disappointed that I don’t have any chips.
— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) August 27, 2018
#2
My ancestors navigated the ocean using the stars and I'm over here missing exits with a GPS
— 🌱ﾟLisa･｡✿ (@brummett_marie) August 20, 2022
#3
The people aimlessly walking in the parking lot looking for their car they parked 10 minutes ago…you are my people.
— Calantha 🐶 (@CalanthaTXBlue) March 25, 2023
#4
Before you marry someone:
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 28, 2019
1. Listen to them eat a bowl of cereal.
2. Ask them which side of the bed they sleep on.
3. Watch them brush their teeth.
4. Make sure you are temperature compatible.
5. Survive one cold and flu season at minimum.
#5
How people walk when they’re:
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) December 17, 2017
DATING *holding hands*
ENGAGED *arms locked*
MARRIED *one person is 5 feet in front of the other and yelling back at them for parking so far away*
#6
someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster, so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 13, 2021
#7
I’m tired of people saying “here’s my go to lazy meal” and then they start chopping an onion
— Uppity African 🍉 (@naledimashishi) February 17, 2022
#8
“I’m just gonna get gas in the morning” is one of the worst decisions you can make as an adult.
— Jordan (@jordanconnealy) July 14, 2020
#9
There should be a calorie refund for things that didn’t taste as good as you expected
— Sommer Ray (@SommerRay) May 29, 2018
#10
Microwaves should have a Get Butter To Room Temperature Without Melting button.
— Noah Garfinkel (@NoahGarfinkel) October 20, 2023
#11
I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t have any more passwords left in me.
— Big Doc (@doctuh_p) September 14, 2021
#12
The anxious urge to say "no worries either way" when you are actually worrying both ways plus a secret third way
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) January 20, 2022
#13
It’s amazing how fast your mood can change after you step in some water with socks on.
— Aimee (@ACall55) May 5, 2018
#14
i be like “long story short” then tell it with behind the scenes bonus features
— IG: closedapp (@ih8rts) November 11, 2022
#15
Welcome to your 40s – you now think every car has its brights on.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) December 14, 2019
#16
Why don’t they just make the Tupperware spaghetti colored right there at the factory
— grandma gertrude (@grandmagertru20) January 15, 2023
#17
Txt from wife: where r u
— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015
Me:kitchen
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
M:bathroom
W:clean toilet
M: Idaho
W:get potatos
#18
did I “kill a plant” or did the plant not have what it takes to thrive in this fast-paced environment
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) June 20, 2022
#19
My favorite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it and then I never find it again
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 13, 2022
#20
I don't like the person I become when the grocery store cashier bags my groceries out of the order that I put them on the belt.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 7, 2018
