20 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

My dad just ended a conversation by saying, “it’s time for me to go sit in a different room,” and I’ll be stealing that

— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) July 24, 2023

Menopausal symptoms can be fatal. They almost killed my husband.

— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) July 27, 2023

my grandma, who can’t speak english, asked for a synopsis of my novel and interrupted me 30 seconds in to say she’d heard there was lots of sex but I seemed to be skirting around that part

— Ruth Madievsky (@ruthmadievsky) July 26, 2023

The soda machine at amc was completely out of Diet Coke on Barbie opening night women are so powerful

— Emily Faye (@mlefaye) July 23, 2023

Just choked on lettuce. Pizza would never have betrayed me like this.

— glizzy borden (@_glizzyborden_) July 24, 2023

I’m ‘can’t remember if I took my pills 5 minutes ago’ years old.

— Nayele18 (@nayele18maybe) July 24, 2023

Sometimes I put tasks I’ve already completed on my to-do list just so I can check them off

— Midge (@mxmclain) July 27, 2023

I sent my best friend flowers as a thank you for planning my bachelorette party and she opened the box and there was a lizard in it. there is now a lizard loose in her house. she cannot find him.

— S.LIZ (@slizagna) July 25, 2023

Are you actually cleaning the house if you haven’t shouted at everyone in it?

— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) July 23, 2023

What level of anxiety is it when the cashier is bagging your items slowly and there’s people behind you?

— Taco (Biggie’s Version) (@bgschnikelfritz) July 27, 2023

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today.

That’s three years in a row now.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) July 28, 2023

Every kid turns into a mall walker when the lifeguard yells NO RUNNING

— Midge (@mxmclain) July 26, 2023

i think this rental house has a poltergeist

i woke up yesterday to what sounded like someone putting dishes away in the kitchen (i live alone) and today to the pervasive smell of coffee

my biggest concern is how i got stuck with the world's only ghost that's a morning person

— Claire Willett (@clairewillett) July 27, 2023

The hardest part of dating is having to tell your story all over again to a new person like you got accidentally hung up on by Tech Support

— Daley Haggar (@d_haggar) July 25, 2023

I love that my sister and I have the kind of relationship where if our phone call ends abruptly when my phone dies, we both mutually understand that there is no call back.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 26, 2023

Put a bag of giveaway clothes in my car last night and dropped them off today. This is unprecedented. I am unstoppable. Maybe I’ll clean my microwave too.

— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) July 25, 2023

Some things are better left unsaid which I usually realize right after I say them.

— Sassygirl (@queenofthesou1) July 24, 2023

My finest parenting moment is when I sent my son to daycare in a jean jumpsuit and then at pickup, his shy teacher whispered “the jean jumpsuit was a sensation” and informed me that word had spread throughout the school and teachers were traveling from other classrooms to see it

— Kim Quindlen (@kimquindlen) July 28, 2023

The terrifying realisation than my entire childhood is now an exhibit at the Science Museum pic.twitter.com/pewrUVgIFU

— Hannah Fearn (@hannahfearn) July 24, 2023

How do I join one of these walking clubs pic.twitter.com/gHyrKSWhfG

— sleepiest girl in the whole wide world (@v_dcknz) July 24, 2023