25 of the Funniest Tweets About Life With Preschoolers

I’ve worked with kids for most of my life…as a nanny when I was younger, as a classroom volunteer for my three kids, and then for several years as a substitute teacher.

I think every age has its benefits, but hands-down, the preschool age is my very favorite. Three and four-year olds are honest, hilarious, and absorb information like sponges.

Whenever I see a comment on Facebook where some Debbie Downer says, “a kid didn’t say that”, I always think, “Has this person never met a 3-year-old??” Because, seriously, you can’t even make up the stuff that comes out of their mouth.

Anyway, I’ve rounded up some very funny tweets about life with preschoolers…hope they bring you some laughs!

#1 Right?? I once wrote a list titled “things I’d never thought I’d say, until I became a mom”…

“You knew what you were getting into when you had children”

Did I? Did I know that I’d be arguing with a 4yo that we don’t lick peoples feet? DID I KNOW THAT?
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) January 25, 2022

#2 LOL…

My 4yo pretended she was a hired cleaner yesterday as. As she helped me clean she asked if I had any kids. After telling her about my 2 I asked if she had any of her own. Turns out she has 5 kids and has been married to a man named Carlin for 30 years. You think you know someone.
— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) November 14, 2022

#3 Just real quick…

Four-year-old had one last quick question before bed, the question was "How does the human body work?"
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 28, 2022

#4 Fair question…

Me: Yes, you were in my belly.

3yo: Why…
*tears in her eyes*
…why did you eat me?
— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) November 3, 2021

#5 Oops!…

my 3 year old kept saying she “wants a spirit guest & needs a spirit guest” and “has a spirit guest” and like 4 exorcisms later, i realized she was just talking about asparagus.
— my name is no. (@om_eye_goodness) October 11, 2019

#6 I think I’d sleep with one eye open!

My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded, man.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 19, 2019

#7 Sounds about right…

My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020

#8 Kid has a point…

4-year-old: Can I have some of your candy?

Wife: I got this for Mother's Day.

4: You're only a mom because of me.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 13, 2017

#9 So cute…

My 2 year old and 4 year old have been communicating via walkie talkie for twenty minutes. They're in the same room. The walkie talkies have no batteries. Over.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 3, 2020

#10 Oh, sweet mama, buckle up…

Last week a friend told me she’s looking forward to her toddler turning 3 because she’s tired of the defiant stage. I’m still laughing.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 11, 2022

#11 So sweet and so gross at the same time LOL…

I was in a very bad mood today. Then my 3 year old walked over, handed me a rock, patted my face and said “mommy, you’re perfect, here’s a present for you”. And I smiled.

And then I realized the rock was a cat turd.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 12, 2020

#12 This one had me going until the end!

My son proposed to his fiancée about six months ago and she said yes. They’re super happy, we love her family too. I just found out today that another girl is in love with him and plans to propose next week…. should I say anything? Oh and also, he’s 4. They’re all 4.
— the luckiest penny. (@aSouthernPenny) February 20, 2021

#13 Bad Grandma…

Tried to throw a slightly neglected baby doll into the toy basket and my three year old shrieked “THAT’S MY DAUGHTER!!” Had no idea
— Melanie Lynskey (@melanielynskey) April 6, 2022

#14 A kid with a plan…

“After my peanut butter and jelly, I’m going to keep crying,” the three-year old informed me.
— Deena Shanker (@deenashanker) April 18, 2021

#15 Aren’t we all…

My 3yo-niece just yelled for no reason at all, while playing with the carpet, “HELP. I AM STUCK. IN THE WORLD.”
— Kate Brauning (@KateBrauning) November 10, 2018

#16 I think I’d have some follow-up questions regarding the “shadow people”!

3-year-old: *offers me a teddy bear*

Me: That's okay. I don't need him.

3: He eats the shadow people.

Me: *takes the teddy bear*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2017

#17 Omg I can just picture this whole scene…

I told my 3yo she couldn’t play with makeup, so she ran away sobbing and yelling, “Alexa, play crying music!”

(SHE SAID THAT!!!)

So now Alexa’s playing some funeral dirges and 3yo is sadly playing along on a recorder

😐
— Jessica Khoury (@jkbibliophile) January 16, 2019

#18 Three-year-olds are not the best liars LOL…

When my son was 3, he pushed the fire extinguisher and the kitchen filled up with a mist. My husband and I were freaking out — Where is it coming from? What is it? And the my son said, pointing to the fire extinguisher, “I didn’t touch that.” 😁
— Moira (@MotownMamaO) June 9, 2022

#19 A pint-sized philosopher…

4yo starts to meltdown because I flushed the toilet instead of her (major faux pas). Then as tears brim over her eyelids, she takes a deep breath and says, “life is more important than toilets”

Life is more important than toilets, y’all.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 4, 2021

#20 Book me a seat!

Kids are hilarious sometimes. My cousin’s four year old son pointed out a plane in the sky and when she asked where he thought it was going he said “Costco”.
— Elise Bayer (@geminigurl89) August 17, 2019

#21 A terrifying sight…

I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014

#22 Hahahaha…

My 4yo was watching TV with her talking baby doll. She moved slightly and the doll said "I'm hungry, mommy!"

So my 4yo gets annoyed and says "Ugh! Again?!"

Then gets up, walks to her play kitchen, grabs a banana and throws it at the baby.

Grandkids might not be in my future.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) September 30, 2019

#23 And I bet she has a speech to go with it…

My 3-year-old got a trophy for “graduating” from 3-year-old preschool.

She understands that participation trophies don’t mean anything.

Just kidding. She carries that thing around like she won an Oscar.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 27, 2018

#24 You tell ’em, Gus!

Preschool program: Gus thinks out loud. pic.twitter.com/gGcPkX9jPk
— ✌🏻 (@macker1313) December 6, 2017

#25 Hmm, the price is good, but the execution leaves a bit to be desired…

My nearly three year old has mentioned opening up a mobile nail bar and I feel that if I’m to get behind her then the least I could do is drum up some interest on here. See where it takes her.

She’s got great chat, an eye for colour & this only cost me £1.

DM me if interested. pic.twitter.com/oeuC0N3qLA
— Catmandoodle (@CatrionaMcNicol) January 26, 2020