22 Hilarious Tweets About Life With Preschoolers

From the other room: *crash*

4 year old yelling ominously: It's ok to make mistakes!

— Laura (@laurawritesit) February 2, 2022

My 4 year old, listening to my heart beat with his toy stethoscope, says, "I have bad news for you. I'm pretty sure there are a ton of bats in there."

— Jaime Berry (@jaime_berry3) March 24, 2021

“You knew what you were getting into when you had children”

Did I? Did I know that I’d be arguing with a 4yo that we don’t lick peoples feet? DID I KNOW THAT?

— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) January 25, 2022

My 4yo pretended she was a hired cleaner yesterday as. As she helped me clean she asked if I had any kids. After telling her about my 2 I asked if she had any of her own. Turns out she has 5 kids and has been married to a man named Carlin for 30 years. You think you know someone.

— Mummy Dear (@ThatMummyLife) November 14, 2022

Four-year-old had one last quick question before bed, the question was "How does the human body work?"

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 28, 2022

Me: Yes, you were in my belly.

3yo: Why…
*tears in her eyes*
…why did you eat me?

— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) November 3, 2021

my 3 year old kept saying she “wants a spirit guest & needs a spirit guest” and “has a spirit guest” and like 4 exorcisms later, i realized she was just talking about asparagus.

— my name is no. (@om_eye_goodness) October 11, 2019

My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded, man.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 19, 2019

My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020

My favourite kid I ever taught when I was a swim teacher was this little 4-year-old Italian boy. One time he sneezed and nobody said anything so he just went “what? No bless yous for Giacomo?”

— Philipp Kostelecky (@CheeseCakePCK) March 14, 2022

Last week a friend told me she’s looking forward to her toddler turning 3 because she’s tired of the defiant stage. I’m still laughing.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) November 11, 2022

I was in a very bad mood today. Then my 3 year old walked over, handed me a rock, patted my face and said “mommy, you’re perfect, here’s a present for you”. And I smiled.

And then I realized the rock was a cat turd.

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 12, 2020

My son proposed to his fiancée about six months ago and she said yes. They’re super happy, we love her family too. I just found out today that another girl is in love with him and plans to propose next week…. should I say anything? Oh and also, he’s 4. They’re all 4.

— the luckiest penny. (@aSouthernPenny) February 20, 2021

Tried to throw a slightly neglected baby doll into the toy basket and my three year old shrieked “THAT’S MY DAUGHTER!!” Had no idea

— Melanie Lynskey (@melanielynskey) April 6, 2022

“After my peanut butter and jelly, I’m going to keep crying,” the three-year old informed me.

— Deena Shanker (@deenashanker) April 18, 2021

I was singing You Are My Sunshine to my 3 year old and he told me he hates that song. I said that's a shame because I use to sing it to him when he was in my tummy before he was born and he looked me dead in the eyes and said "I hated it then too".

— Al (@AliceTaylorM) December 12, 2021

3-year-old: *offers me a teddy bear*

Me: That's okay. I don't need him.

3: He eats the shadow people.

Me: *takes the teddy bear*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2017

I told my 3yo she couldn’t play with makeup, so she ran away sobbing and yelling, “Alexa, play crying music!”

(SHE SAID THAT!!!)

So now Alexa’s playing some funeral dirges and 3yo is sadly playing along on a recorder

😐

— Jessica Khoury (@jkbibliophile) January 16, 2019

4yo starts to meltdown because I flushed the toilet instead of her (major faux pas). Then as tears brim over her eyelids, she takes a deep breath and says, “life is more important than toilets”

Life is more important than toilets, y’all.

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 4, 2021

My 4yo was watching TV with her talking baby doll. She moved slightly and the doll said "I'm hungry, mommy!"

So my 4yo gets annoyed and says "Ugh! Again?!"

Then gets up, walks to her play kitchen, grabs a banana and throws it at the baby.

Grandkids might not be in my future.

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) September 30, 2019

My nearly three year old has mentioned opening up a mobile nail bar and I feel that if I’m to get behind her then the least I could do is drum up some interest on here. See where it takes her.

She’s got great chat, an eye for colour & this only cost me £1.

DM me if interested. pic.twitter.com/oeuC0N3qLA

— Catmandoodle (@CatrionaMcNicol) January 26, 2020