Top 20 Best Tweets on Marriage and Parenting From Funny Mom Meghan

I don't want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within *three weeks* not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 29, 2025

My 6yo told me there's a kid called Mirror in his new class, and I'm not sure if he misheard or that's just where we are with names now

— meghan (@deloisivete) August 6, 2024

Why are you, a restaurant website, gatekeeping your online menu by making me choose delivery or pick-up, when I merely need to mentally rehearse my drive-thru order

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 10, 2024

What wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought

— meghan (@deloisivete) December 23, 2022

Shout out to the mom who signed up for napkins within seconds of the class end-of-year party list going live

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 11, 2024

Heavy is the hand that adds the garlic

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 28, 2024

My 6yo just asked if he could have an applesauce pouch "for normal reasons" so now I'm scared

— meghan (@deloisivete) April 18, 2024

My parents just sent my kid a book that makes farting noises, as if I won't be the one picking out their nursing home

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 5, 2022

9yo: I'm not grounded, you're grounded

me, goes in room and closes door: this is amazing

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 20, 2025

My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 20, 2024

My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead

— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2022

me: I just want 2 minutes of privacy in the bathroom

my kid: best I can do is a paleontology lecture

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 28, 2022

husband: you should hang out with my friend’s wife, she’s an introvert like you

me: that’s…that’s not how it works

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 16, 2022

Not my parents getting same-day delivery on a Lite Brite for my kids when I spent two years asking for one in the '90s.

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 18, 2024

A cooking competition where contestants make whatever they want but my husband wanders around the kitchen and stands in front of the drawer they need

— meghan (@deloisivete) May 18, 2022

Jump to Recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 11, 2025

My kid sure is doing a lot of dinosplaining for someone who pronounces it belociraptor

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 21, 2022

*fills out form*

*clicks "send me a copy"*

email: *dings*

me: ooh what's that

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 14, 2025

It's too late, I sat down in a comfy chair after work, go on without me

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 31, 2024

Didn't realize my kid was a midwestern farmer in a past life until we drove by a cornfield and he muttered "sure is gettin' tall"

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 19, 2022