Friends, meet Meghan, a very funny mom whose humor I think you will love.
I had a lot of laughs going through her feed and I’ve rounded up her funniest, most relatable quips on marriage, parenting, and life in general for you here.
Hope these bring you some smiles!
Janene
#1
The delivery guy handed me our pizza, then asked if we needed anything else, and I just want to know what he would have done if we'd said yes
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 11, 2026
#2
My husband told me that he used my sock trick on a recent trip so he wouldn't lose any. Reader, my "sock trick" is rolling matching pairs together
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 10, 2025
#3
Me at 7pm: I am so tired
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 15, 2026
Me at 10pm: I am going to rearrange all the furniture
#4
Making a big batch of food so you don't have to cook always sounds good until you hit day 3 of leftovers
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 5, 2026
#6
My husband is out of town, so dinner is either cheese or spend $87 on DoorDash
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 7, 2026
#6
I don't want to brag but I found a recipe online, and then within *three weeks* not only made the recipe, but closed the tab on my browser
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 29, 2025
#7
My 6yo told me there's a kid called Mirror in his new class, and I'm not sure if he misheard or that's just where we are with names now
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 6, 2024
#8
Why are you, a restaurant website, gatekeeping your online menu by making me choose delivery or pick-up, when I merely need to mentally rehearse my drive-thru order
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 10, 2024
#9
My 6yo just asked if he could have an applesauce pouch "for normal reasons" so now I'm scared
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 18, 2024
#10
What wine pairs best with finding out my in-laws are staying a day longer than I thought
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 23, 2022
#11
Nothing like your 8yo casually walking by with a hammer to pique your curiosity
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 15, 2026
#12
Shout out to the mom who signed up for napkins within seconds of the class end-of-year party list going live
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 11, 2024
#13
My parents just sent my kid a book that makes farting noises, as if I won't be the one picking out their nursing home
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 5, 2022
#14
husband: do you know where the thing is
— meghan (@deloisivete) March 14, 2026
me:
husband:
me: I would like to buy a noun
#15
My husband is out of town, but the cupboard doors are still open, so now I have to face some cold hard truths about myself
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 20, 2024
#16
My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2022
#17
me: I just want 2 minutes of privacy in the bathroom
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 28, 2022
my kid: best I can do is a paleontology lecture
#18
husband: you should hang out with my friend’s wife, she’s an introvert like you
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 16, 2022
me: that’s…that’s not how it works
#19
Not my parents getting same-day delivery on a Lite Brite for my kids when I spent two years asking for one in the '90s.
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 18, 2024
#20
A cooking competition where contestants make whatever they want but my husband wanders around the kitchen and stands in front of the drawer they need
— meghan (@deloisivete) May 18, 2022
#21
Sorry dinner will be late, the Jump to Recipe button was broken and I'm still scrolling through Mackayleigh's personal and deep history with green beans
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 3, 2026
#22
My kid sure is doing a lot of dinosplaining for someone who pronounces it belociraptor
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 21, 2022
#23
*fills out form*
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 14, 2025
*clicks "send me a copy"*
email: *dings*
me: ooh what's that
#24
It's too late, I sat down in a comfy chair after work, go on without me
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 31, 2024
#25
Didn't realize my kid was a midwestern farmer in a past life until we drove by a cornfield and he muttered "sure is gettin' tall"
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 19, 2022
For more laughs, follow Meghan on Twitter and Instagram!
