If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 quips that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
Son: daddy there’s a spider in my room
— The Dad (@thedad) June 11, 2020
Me: he’s fine, he’s just minding his own business
Son: what business does a spider have
Me, loud enough so everyone in the house can hear: web design
#2
My children have never heard a phone ring — like a real, landline phone. And our 102 neighbor still, apparently has one. It rang while they were outside and she had the windows open, and they ran to me screaming because they thought they heard a fire alarm.
— Emily Zanotti 🦝 (@emzanotti) March 28, 2024
IT WAS HER PHONE.
#3
Was driving with my Dad today and he told me to get the map out of the glove box. Easy there Indiana Jones, I will just Google it.
— Typical Girl (@GirlishWish) December 5, 2018
#4
Suggested that my 5yo put jam on his waffle since we ran out of syrup, and judging by the look on his face, I will be hearing from his lawyer
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 12, 2023
#5
Someone asked to share my table at a coffee shop and then asked me to leave the table because they have a meeting??? Am I in an episode of Seinfeld??
— Elizabeth Goodspeed (@domesticetch) October 19, 2023
#6
I was on the phone with my parents and I brought up how I’m parenting differently than they did, so they became defensive saying “Well, look how well you turned out” and I heard my wife laughing all the way from Target.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 23, 2023
#7
A 5th grader at my daughter’s school is making his own animated series and hiring kids to do voices for it and holding Zoom auditions and my daughter missed her audition and was freaking out like "I really need this job!!!" and emailed the kid to reschedule and I am RIVETED
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 10, 2023
#8
just had an email from my barber saying that his shop is back open and offering 'one to one appointments', which implies the existence of the somewhat terrifying 'group haircut'
— milo edwards (@Milo_Edwards) October 14, 2024
#9
“When did you meet my dad? Because I can see that you’re quite good friends”
— Ngcolosi yena yedwa (@BathuNgcolosi) March 29, 2024
– my brothers daughter to me 😭😭😭😭
#10
To the human who added coffee to the word cake justifying the eating of cake for breakfast I salute you unnamed hero
— SpecialKimtamine™ 🏴☠️🇺🇸🇮🇹🚩 (@LorazeKim) June 26, 2024
#11
Nothing makes me feel more like a child than my shoe lace being untied why is this happening I am an ADULT
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) March 28, 2024
#12
I don't actually need a house cleaner, I just need the threat of a house cleaner coming over as motivation
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 28, 2023
#13
Decided to make a nice pot pie for dinner using leftover chicken. Was well into sauteeing the veggies before I realized I had no stock, no cream, and as it turns out, no leftover chicken 🙏
— sarah (@sarahradz_) June 26, 2024
#14
My son asked me if I could draw a dinosaur for him, so I did, and then he looked at it and very quietly said “ok I guess not”.
— The Dad (@thedad) March 6, 2023
#15
The airport in the morning is a chaotic and lawless place free from judgement. I watched a woman eating a gallon of ice cream for breakfast, another drinking whiskey straight from the bottle. Panda Express is packed with people having orange chicken at 6am. I judged none of them.
— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) March 27, 2024
#16
I asked my wife if she wanted anything from Taco Bell and she said no. I brought home $84 worth just to be safe.
— i c r e a t u r e (@IAmYardDad) February 28, 2023
#17
being a new parent is so funny. the other night the baby woke up and his hands were cold so I googled “baby’s hands cold at night” and all the results were like “yeah sometimes babies’ hands get a little cold at night” I don’t know what I expected
— Daniel M. Lavery (@daniel_m_lavery) June 25, 2024
#18
The most unrealistic thing I've ever seen in a movie is when an entire family sits down to eat breakfast together on a weekday.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 25, 2024
#19
My kid: I bet you had just black and white movies growing up
— Maddy 🌨️ (@MadHatterMommy) June 24, 2024
Me: excuse me, I am not that old
My kid: also did you have crayons or just greyons?
#20
Me: What did you do at school today?
— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) June 28, 2024
My kid: Nothing.
School FB page: *photo of him riding in a fire engine*
