20 Funny Tweets to Start Your Week Off With Some Laughs

when you can’t remember if you took your meds so you start opening the pill bottle to see if the experience feels familiar enough to have happened recently

— latke (@latkedelrey) September 17, 2024

me, as a child: I beat all my sisters at hide and seek today!

my dad: that’s good, but your brother Daniel is the reigning champ

me: who

— jo (@whatsJo) September 11, 2019

Hubby is playing “Restaurant” with the kids and it went from them serving him food, to him calling the cops on them so I guess it’s not going well.

— Lil’ Yucca (@GraceMothering) March 24, 2024

Why is there always a shop selling luggage at the airport?
Who is going on vacation carrying armfuls of clothes saying "I'll pack when we get there"

— Ashley Hardwick (@A_Hardwick93) October 13, 2024

I was helping my son with his homework and I told him that a female gazelle was called a madamazelle so now I have another meeting with his teacher.

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) March 25, 2024

obsessed with the woman in my yoga class who paid for 60 minutes and laid motionless on the floor the entire time

— Cat (@CatOrman1) July 15, 2024

Being the only single childless person in my office is wild. My coworkers were detailing their busy weekends with family shenanigans and when my boss asked me what I did I said "went to the farmers market…that's pretty much it" 3 of my coworkers gasped and 1 cried.

— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) June 13, 2022

Me, deciding to eat a mango: I have watched many videos about cutting these. I will do it perfectly this time. Elegantly, even.

Me, 1.5 minutes later: *standing at the sink, mango juice dripping down my arms & face as I frantically gnaw at hunks of mango like a crazed raccoon*

— AlwaysAshley (@AshleyAlready) February 13, 2024

“You’re so lucky you’re an adult and can do whatever you want”
-My 8yo, on our way to her 7AM hockey game

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 3, 2024

Having a wife and daughters means there's an 80% chance that any flat surface in your house has a hair tie on it.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 7, 2024

My 5yo: AT SCHOOL IF YOU BE NAUGHTY YOU HAVE TO SIT IN A CHAIR AND I AM NOT NAUGHTY BUT I WANTED TO SIT IN THE CHAIR SO I BE CRAZY AND THE TEACHER TOLD ME TO SIT IN THE CHAIR
Me:
5yo: WASN’T EVEN FUN IN THE CHAIR. GUESS I’M DONE WITH THE CRAZY

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 14, 2024

The lady in front of us sampling all the flavors has apparently never eaten ice cream before, what do you mean “tell me about your rocky road”

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 18, 2024

My 4yo wanted to show me how she’d put her little brother to bed. When we opened his door, he was up playing with toys. She cried NO YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN BED and my oh my, how the tables have turned

— Parenting Presently (@presentparent_) March 3, 2024

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) March 24, 2018

I’m at an art gala for my son’s school and they told the kids to “dress up” so all of them are in suits and beautiful dresses and there’s one kid who misunderstood and came as Spider-Man.

— octopus/caveman (@octopuscaveman) March 2, 2024

I think I’m pretty smart until I’m asked to tap to pay for something- here? where? here? do it again? did that work?

— Mommy Needs a Life (@momneedsalife3) March 5, 2024

I have a question and my question is why do birthday cards now cost as much as the present I’m buying.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) January 27, 2024

In case you're wondering how awkward I am, a man at the grocery store just told me I was pretty and I curtsied

— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) March 21, 2021

I love kindness unless it’s a person at a four way stop waving for me to go when it is clearly their turn.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 4, 2024

Did you know? pic.twitter.com/UN9gCSYFZc

— Why you should have a cat (@ShouldHaveCat) February 23, 2024