21 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

so i told my boyfriend i was having my period and he said “Again?”

you know what, you’re right im going to cancel that monthly subscription

— Invis🧜‍♀️ (@invis4yo) October 19, 2023

“Do you want your receipt printed or emailed?” I don’t want a receipt at all I can’t be reminded that I paid $7 for a latte burn all accounts of this transaction

— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) October 20, 2023

my problem is i always think i can get ready in 15 minutes when i have repeatedly proven that i can’t

— Invis🍒 (@invis4yo) October 13, 2023

before buying something online, ask yourself: do I want to get an email from this company for the rest of my life?

— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) October 16, 2023

It's my 23rd wedding anniversary today and my husband decided to share a picture of us where I'm standing at Cape Spear at 5am, swollen faced, no make up, not even smiling. He, however, looks great and I'm glad for him because the last anniversary post should be the best.

— Annie Hayward (@annieduck821) October 14, 2023

In your 40s, movies are just white noise for couch naps.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 17, 2023

a friend-in-law is one of your best friends' best friends who you've met maybe 4 times but you know everything about their job, relationships, career, family, shame, dreams, medical history etc

— Madeleine Aggeler (@mmaggeler) October 18, 2023

Do you check your phone 17 times to make sure you set an alarm or do you trust yourself

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 19, 2023

Terrible news, everyone. I had to add fractions today just as the 4th grade teachers foretold.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 15, 2023

Not to be a Halloween Scrooge but I don’t like that everyone uses stencils to carve their pumpkins now. Jack-o-lanterns are supposed to be extremely unimpressive. You should have a vision in your head and then not be able to execute it. That’s what Halloween is all about.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 17, 2023

My husband sure has a lot of opinions on which movie he’s gonna sleep through

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 15, 2023

All a microwave needs is a (+30sec) button. Everything else is bourgeois excess.

— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@TheWapplehouse) October 19, 2023

can y'all just post yo therapist's advice on twitter so i don't have to go

— Invis🧜‍♀️ (@invis4yo) October 18, 2023

My favorite part of working in customer service is when people give me their address and then I look to see what their house looks like on Google maps.

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 20, 2023

i suck at hiding gifts, an hour later i be like “you wanna see what i got you”

— Invis🧜‍♀️ (@invis4yo) October 20, 2023

I told one of my preschoolers I wanted her to braid my hair like hers.

Her: sure

Her *2 minutes later*: but you baldheaded Ms Princess. I’ll try my best.

🥹😂😂😂😂😂

— Princess (@themultiplemom) October 17, 2023

Had a sudden stomach pain the other day and naturally gave myself only 24 hours left to live. Turned out I’d done some stomach exercises the day before.

— Laura prefers the bird (@ericamorecambe) October 17, 2023

Shout out to the lady at the gym who just yelled into her phone ‘THE ONLY PROBLEM IN MY LIFE IS YOU BRIAN’; hung up and went right back to her workout

— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) October 18, 2023

My bff’s daughter’s rat had surgery and the vet sent her home like this 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/wbO5EMkiDi

— In The Woods 🌕🦉🍂🍄☕️ (@DuckieLouise) October 21, 2023

got in an elevator and this dog was just alone in it????? pic.twitter.com/aaJwLqtxnl

— 🍋 (@lemoncarcass) October 17, 2023