If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
To the lady in the black BMW who stuck up two fingers at me after I beeped at her when pulling out of Waitrose car park just now:
— Julie (@julhat) August 12, 2024
Your Louis Vuitton handbag probably isn't on your car roof anymore.
#2
How to eat French fries:
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) March 13, 2013
1) Eat all the good ones.
2) Leave the yucky ones and feel superior.
3) Wait 5 minutes.
4) Eat all the yucky ones.
#3
there should be like a second horn on your car for when the light is green and the person in front of you isn't going bc they're on their phone but you're not like mad about it. hi bestie i love you beep beep it's driving time
— cait.bsky.social (@punished_cait) May 9, 2023
#4
Wife accused me of stealing her élite moisturizer because I’ve been looking “way too dewy.” And guess what? She’s right. Stuff is a game changer that they’ve been hiding from us, boys.
— Joe Bernstein (@Bernstein) April 22, 2024
#5
My daughter keeps exclaiming, “What in tarnation?” when something surprises her. It’s cute but a little like living with a 3rd Grade Yosemite Sam.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 31, 2024
#6
Welcome to your 40's. You're more interested in figuring out what show this actress has been in before than the show you're watching her in now.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 16, 2023
#7
My mom gave my kid $2 and he immediately taped the bills to the wall like some kind of small business owner
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 27, 2023
#8
This morning my son said his ear hurt. I asked, “On the inside or outside?” So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says, “Both.”
— Just Me…Dee🐟 #FBPE #FBPR #GobshiteClub (@deelomas) January 2, 2023
Moments like this have me wondering if I’m saving too much for college…
#9
Lost the library card. Been missing over a month.
— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) May 3, 2023
Went and got a new library card.
Came home, put library card in a safe place and found old library card in the same spot.
#10
Y’all, this woman’s neighbor’s cat got her cat pregnant and so now she randomly gets drop offs of cat food with the words “Child Support” tape to the bag.
— ✨Kei$ha✨ (@GlamazonJay) May 3, 2024
#11
i love taking dayquil. why feel a little sick when you could feel totally insane
— trash jones (@jzux) May 10, 2023
#12
Sometimes I think I’m reasonably intelligent, and sometimes I click the remote car door lock a second or third time for extra lockiness.
— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) April 15, 2018
#13
Do you panic that you’re choosing the wrong answer during an eye exam or are you normal.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) April 28, 2024
#14
Asked my 5-yo to clean her room multiple times today. She assured me she did. I went in: literally nothing had changed. “In what world,” I asked, “is this a clean room?”
— Katie Gutierrez (@katie_gutz) August 2, 2023
She looked me dead in the eye. “In a TRASH world.”
#15
3-year-old walked in with her hands behind her back and said “I’m not holding anything behind my back, I’m just going up to my room,” and then sidled upstairs calling “I’m not tricking you!” over her shoulder. Why do I feel like this is a trick
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 2, 2023
#16
Lol my 6th grader has to call his best friend’s grandma’s landline and is very unsure what to do if someone besides his friend answers.
— Meg St-Esprit (@MegStEsprit) August 21, 2023
YES YOU HAVE TO MAKE SMALL TALK WITH THEM SON.
#17
I love that my sister and I have the kind of relationship where if our phone call ends abruptly when my phone dies, we both mutually understand that there is no call back.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 26, 2023
#18
feeding your friends cat when they’re out of town feels like hanging with a guy you never hang out with alone and you’re not really sure what to talk about without your mutual friend there. so ummm you like wet food? that’s cool that’s cool
— Cat Elgarrista (@cat_elg) November 25, 2024
#19
My wife is hilarious
— Dad 2.0 – New year same depression (@DadaBaseThought) May 11, 2023
We’ve been trying to get ahold of our sons daycare corporate for 4 months and they literally do not answer phones or email
She applied for a job and when they contacted her for an interview she asked to be transferred to the person we needed to talk to
#20
Sometimes I will do a very simple self-care thing like putting lotion on my hands before bed and be like "that was so easy, I will do this every day" and then forget that I even have hands for the next 6 years.
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) May 1, 2024
