Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Every time I call my mom in the morning I ask, "Did I wake you?" and she's always "God, no. I've been up since 2 AM and have cleaned the house, done the laundry, ironed my curtains, landscaped the yard and built a new sunroom."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 5, 2024
#2
My 11 year-old asked what I wanted my grandma nickname to be someday (for example, hers are Mimi and Nan-Nan). I said I didn’t know and asked her for suggestions. She thought for a moment and calmly replied, “The Hawk.”
— Brooke Preston (@bigu) April 9, 2024
#3
Because I never explained otherwise, my son spent a good stretch of time in his childhood thinking that a vice principal at a school was there in case the principal was assassinated.
— John Moe (@johnmoe) April 9, 2024
#4
A short story all parents of >1 will understand: One of those giant blue stork signs announcing a new baby appeared in my neighborhood that said ANNOUNCING NEW BABY BEN and then a few days later a new pink sign went up that read AND NEW BIG SISTER SOPHIE
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 8, 2024
#5
My 9yo son was trying to be sweet and he told me he would have been my boyfriend if he had been a kid when I was a kid, back in the 1800’s or 1900’s.
— Stacey (@nofilterblonde) April 9, 2024
He said 1800’s
EIGHTEEN. HUNDREDS.
*turns to dust*
#6
My eldest child just RIVERDANCED into the kitchen, kicked his sister up the bum and riverdanced back out again without saying a word or breaking the beat.
— Anna Falactick (@PetulantWench) April 6, 2024
#7
Damaged my eyes by staring directly at 5th grade math homework
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 9, 2024
#8
4-year-old was saying good night before bed and she said “I love you Mama you’re the most beautiful princess in the world,” and then turned to her dad and said “You’re the butler.” She gets it.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 9, 2024
#9
4yo sitting on toilet: "when are you going to die?"
— Pamela J. Hobart (@amelapay) April 10, 2024
me: "uh, I don't know, hopefully not for a long time. I want to see you become a grownup."
4yo: "I want to see you become a grownup, too"
#10
honestly obsessed w the high drama of toddlers. my 2 year old fell & bumped her knee and she looked up at me like an ailing Victorian child & said “will I ever walk again??????????”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 9, 2024
#11
No parenting book prepares you for changing the sheets on a bunk bed at 3 AM.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 11, 2024
#12
My teen is taking the SAT today. As we were walking out the door, I asked her if she needed a special pencil. She looked at me and said We take it on computers. The air hung quiet between us. Oh I said. Huh I said. It’s the first year she added If it makes you feel any better.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 10, 2024
#13
My washing machine claiming it only has 1 minute left is why I have trust issues
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 12, 2024
#14
it’s all fun and games til the good knee gives out
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 8, 2024
#15
I told him we have stairs and he said he likes stairs
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 10, 2024
-my kid, really selling this playdate to his friend
#16
Congratulations to everyone with a toddler who likes to make believe they are a fairy or a woodland creature. My 3yo told me I have to be the "pizza lady" and handed me a puffed-rice-canister megaphone into which I was compelled to yell, "WE DON'T SERVE TOE LINT ON OUR PIZZAS"
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) April 12, 2024
#17
Just canceled the subscription for my kid’s picky eater vitamins and you’ll never guess why
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 11, 2024
#18 Aww, what a grateful little kid…
My 4yo tonight while I was folding laundry: this house has everything! Food, clothes, a TV, toys, dishes, a couch, drawers, windows, doors, my bed. I love it here!
— Parenting Presently (The Mom Hack) (@presentparent_) April 7, 2024
I promise this house is nothing fancy, but what perspective 🫶
#19 When you’re a parent, a sense of humor really comes in handy…
Thomas (b. 2019)
— Emily Zanotti 🦝 (@emzanotti) April 6, 2024
“Perry the Platypus,” (2024)
Felt-tip marker on plaster, kitchen. pic.twitter.com/epjg1fjaHe
#20 LOL, this is the best…
My 5-year-old told me a school friend gave him his address so he can go over for play dates.
— Nicole St. Denis (@nicosttweets) April 11, 2024
The address: pic.twitter.com/mfUjY9OaVN
