20 Hilarious Tweets From Parents Raising Girls Who Will Someday Rule the World

My youngest hacked our Netflix parental code. She put light grease on the remote and got me to input the code when she wasn’t looking. Then she noted the numbers I’d pressed and went through the combinations later. I’m both frightened and impressed.

— Ed O'Loughlin (@edoloughlin) September 6, 2020

*singing to my 5yo* twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are

Her: stop. It's a ball of gas.

Me: ….

Her: Science. Stop pretending you don't know what it is.

— KarateAndPopTarts (@KarenReneK) March 11, 2018

[watching the Little Mermaid]

Daughter: why didn’t Ariel just write Prince Eric a note?

Me: maybe she didn’t know how to write.

Daughter: but she signed her name on Ursula’s contract.

Me:

Daughter:

Me: [frantically flipping through parenting book].

— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) January 5, 2020

My 7yo daughter: someone at camp said girls aren’t tough.

Me: what did you say to that?

My 7yo, who has had a loose tooth for over a week: I pulled out my tooth in front of him and he stopped talking to me. #parenting

— Katie Cook (@katiecandraw) August 24, 2018

5 told me to come to her hair salon, rearranged my hair then put the mirror in front of us and said “well I look beautiful but I haven’t been able to help you this time” then she looked me in the eye and said “you still have to pay though”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 6, 2022

I’ve been teaching my daughter to sneak candy into the theater, like any good parent would, but when she pulled a pack of deli ham out of her bag I realized I’ve created a monster

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 11, 2023

When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, “In a pie-eating contest, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie.” I think about that a lot.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 27, 2022

A few days ago I opened my 7yo’s piggy bank and took some bills fully intending on replacing them before she noticed

I forgot. Apparently she counts it weekly. She freaked out. We are now heading to the bank with her purse in hand

She even charged me interest pic.twitter.com/tBBj6Kkrs3

— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) May 23, 2021

Told my daughter work was tough today and she patted my back and said, “Life isn’t always pickles and peaches,” like some kind of 3rd Grade Confucius.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 19, 2021

Me: What did you do at school today?

5-year-old: Learned about dragons.

Me: Your class learned about dragons?

5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2018

Asked my 6yo if she was a tough cookie and she said “no, because cookies crumble” and now I have a life coach.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 6, 2021

My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.

— Jen Dziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018

My 11 y/o daughter just casually told me she wants to start a company where people can order bacon, ham and sausage delivered to their house and call it “Hamazon.” This is why the world has billionaires.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 14, 2022

2 weeks ago, I told kids at school to write an essay titled ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’

Everyone was writing, except a girl who leaned back with arms folded.

“What’s the matter,” I asked. “Why aren't you writing?”

“I’m waiting for my secretary,” she replied.

Scored her 10/10.

— KATOR TARKAA (@KatorTarkaa) December 18, 2018

7-year-old: All the boys said they were faster than girls in gym class.

Me: What did you say?

7: Nothing. I just beat them.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 22, 2017

Legit call from the school:

Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report

— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023

I kept calling the reptiles at the zoo “he” and “that guy” to my son and an 8 year old girl came up to me and said “they could be GIRLS, you know” and I’m both scared of her and want her to be President

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) July 9, 2023