20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

No one warned me how funny it would be when my 3yo started using specific buzzwords to target my weaknesses. "Mommy, we should buy this. It is ON SALE. And it is HEALTHY FOR LITTLE CHILDREN."

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 3, 2024

I was binging Friends with my 14yo and there was a cliffhanger episode and I mentioned that we used to have to wait a week to find out what happened and she looked at me like I just told her we had no running water.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 5, 2024

9yo: Do you prefer chocolate or vanilla?
Me: Depends on the day
9yo: Let’s say it’s a Tuesday

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 2, 2024

It would be easier to put wheels on my house than pack the car for the beach.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 2, 2024

If you ever want to be truly humbled, ask a child to draw a picture of you

— Bird Eckler (@Birdeckler) June 29, 2024

I made two pounds of bacon.

Placed the bacon on the breakfast table.

Went to make whipped cream for the waffles.

Returned to no bacon.

Three kids ate two pounds of bacon in under two minutes.

— Emily Zanotti 🦝 (@emzanotti) July 4, 2024

Me before grocery shopping: healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this

Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows???

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 30, 2024

Dad vacation to do list
1. Wake up at 5:30 AM for no reason
2. Buy a local newspaper
3. Complain about the coffee maker
4. Try to make people feel bad for sleeping in
5. Seafood
6. Call the GPS stupid
7. Organize the fishing stuff again

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 30, 2024

Me: 1yo's little baby legs are so chonky and sweet. I want to eat them.

3yo: Mommy, NO. We do NOT EAT PEOPLE.

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) July 1, 2024

for maybe the last month my son has been asking for “pop pop”. every meal/snack he asks for pop pop. no idea what it was — tried popcorn, pasta, cereal. none of them pop pop. last night he found a pomegranate. we were like “is this pop pop?” and he made a sound of total triumph

— Gabriel (@gbrl_dick) July 1, 2024

I love coming to Hawaii with my kids so they can beg for their iPads in a tropical location.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) July 3, 2024

Parenting in the summer is the kids saying “there’s nothing to eat” and me saying “make a sandwich” over and over until school starts again.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) July 3, 2024

We are on vacation with 2 children and 2 adults over 65. 85% of our time is spent searching for food or a bathroom.

— Dr. Glaucomflecken (@DGlaucomflecken) July 1, 2024

Me, on the phone with my 10 yo who’s at camp:

“How’s the food?”

Her: Eh. There’s no feta and no olives. And the olive oil doesn’t taste good.

Me, 🥺, holding back tears of pride knowing I raised her right with Greek food:

“That’s my girl!”

— Panagis Galiatsatos, MD, MHS (@panagis21) June 29, 2024

My child is so sweet and whenever we go to the store she says “mom can we just look at toys?? I don’t need anything. I just wanna look I promise.”

Anyways she got a toy.

— kay🍓 (@OKAYYYWOWWW) June 29, 2024

My daughter ate a peach earlier at my parents house and has now been crying for them so my husband just went to the store to solely get peaches…

What are the odds she wants nothing to do with peaches when he gets back????

— Kayla, MD (@kaylamellis_) June 29, 2024

I was freaking out, but it turns out my kid just inserted a whole fresh strawberry in her shoe and walked around like that for an hour pic.twitter.com/4mM6R0JHDi

— Robert Komaniecki (@Komaniecki_R) June 29, 2024

I just read a Facebook post where a mom was seeking advice for helping her 5 year old stay buckled in his car seat and I kid you not someone suggested eliminating gluten

— Taylor Schumann (@taylorsschumann) July 5, 2024

Our 8yo just came back from a Costco run with @revdarylellis.

Apparently he spent all of his allowance in this massive dog bed.

We do not own a dog. pic.twitter.com/WYR8V1TZvG

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) July 1, 2024