Out of the Mouths of Babes: 25 Hilarious Quips From Kids

One of the reasons I’ve always loved working with kids is that they keep you laughing, whether they mean to be funny or not!

Whenever I see a funny kid quip posted on social media, there’s always someone that comments “A kid didn’t say that” and I always roll my eyes and think, “Have you NEVER met a child??” Because, honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.

I’ve rounded up some of the funniest kid quotes…hope they bring you some smiles!

Janene

#1

[Diner]

Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free

*me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old*

my 6 year-old: im a police
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) October 12, 2022

#2 That’s a pretty self-aware 8 year old!

Just overheard my eight-year-old son tell the little boy who lives across the street, “You have to go now. I’ve hit my limit for being around other people today.”
— Rebecca Papin (@RebeccaPapin) July 16, 2023

#3

6yo (to her crying brother): "It's okay to be sad, sometimes we need to let our feelings out, just let yourself be sad."
Me: "Oh darling, that's so lovely, well done. Why is he crying?"
6yo: "I hit him."#mumlife
— Ellie Hawkes (@elspells13) August 23, 2021

#4

5 asked me if I’ve ever been to jail and when I said no, she said “wow, not even for your cooking?”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 26, 2022

#5

I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room.
— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) May 6, 2017

#6

5 was in bed for a while then she yelled “mummy come here” and I yelled back “why?” then she yelled “I haven’t thought of a reason yet”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 3, 2022

#7

We let my 5-year-old try a root beer, and after he took a big gulp, he yelled, “Oh my gosh, I can feel myself turning into a man!”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) June 12, 2023

#8

My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives."
— jess (retired) (@jessokfine) June 29, 2015

#9

I was getting mad in traffic earlier and my 3-year-old said “all you can do is calm down and let the cars go” and now I have a therapist.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 9, 2019

#10

My daughter said she can’t wait to have kids. I asked her why and she said “so they can bring me stuff when it’s in another room.”
— Holly Ballantine (@HollyBallantine) March 19, 2022

#11

I made my bed and found a half eaten stick of butter in it. When I asked my child if she put anything in mommy’s bed, she said “I did not put butter in it.” The mystery continues. More at 11.
— LL Cool Tweet (@LLcoooltweet) June 7, 2022

#12

Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots."
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) January 18, 2021

#13

5-year-old: Do I have to fall in love someday?

Me: No.

5: Good. I have stuff to do.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 7, 2020

#14

Told my daughter work was tough today and she patted my back and said, “Life isn’t always pickles and peaches,” like some kind of 3rd Grade Confucius.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 19, 2021

#15

i asked my four year old why she wouldn’t clean up her play- doh and she said “it doesn’t make my heart happy” like ok marie kondo u win
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 30, 2022

#16

6YO: Can I eat a cookie?

Me: Finish your dinner first

6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2021

#17

My 5-year-old, "how bout we go to Target. You get yourself a drink or whatever you want and buy me a toy." She knows how to work the system.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 9, 2022

#18

My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: "can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?"
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 23, 2016

#19

We just waited an hour to see our pediatrician. As soon as he walked in my toddler took his hand and pointed to his watch and said “This is a clock.” Which was the most passive aggressive thing I have ever witnessed.
— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) February 26, 2019

#20

I was singing You Are My Sunshine to my 3 year old and he told me he hates that song. I said that's a shame because I use to sing it to him when he was in my tummy before he was born and he looked me dead in the eyes and said "I hated it then too".
— Al (@AliceTaylorM) December 12, 2021

#21

Watching a documentary on Ancient Egypt when my 5 y/o stops in front of the TV, drops her jaw and says, “THEY WROTE ON WALLS? You’re not supposed to write on walls!”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 4, 2022

#22

Me: Who made this mess?

8-year-old: Not me.

6-year-old: Not me.

4-year-old: Not me.

3-year-old: A horse. I saw it.

I have a suspect.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 5, 2019

#23

#24

#25 And finally, this little girl who just wanted to play by her own rules LOL…

@ashd131
I don’t think baseball will be her thing 😂 #TikTokGGT #IFeelWeightless #foryoupage #fyp #ChipsGotTalent #ohno
♬ Oh No – Kreepa

#1

#2 That’s a pretty self-aware 8 year old!

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10

#11

#12

#13

#14

#15

#16

#17

#18

#19

#20

#21

#22

#23

#24

#25 And finally, this little girl who just wanted to play by her own rules LOL…

For more very funny kids, check out “Meet 20 Funny and Precocious Kids Who Are Ready to Rule the World”

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