20 Funny Tweets from Parents About Their Clever and Quick-Witted Kids

My little sister did homework for a kid in her school because he promised to pay her $30 but after she finished it for him he told her that he wasn’t gonna pay her so she just sent him a picture of an email draft addressed to him and his teacher and just says “what about now”

— Lukas Battle (@lukasbattle) January 25, 2020

My brother asked my 5-year-old what day her birthday is. My 5-year-old with a condescending tone, "the same day I was born." My brother apologized for asking such a foolish question.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 9, 2022

Pilot (to my 5-year-old daughter a few days ago): Do you know you could be a flight attendant when you grow up?

5: I could also own the plane.

— Rebecca Papin (@RebeccaPapin) April 13, 2022

Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 16, 2016

My kindergartener experienced her first smart toilet on our vacation. Her reaction? “If it was really smart it would get a new job. I’d much rather be a sink.”

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 16, 2024

Bribed my 9YO w $5 to clean up so I could shower.

When I got out, he was done, so I gave him a 5.

He asked for singles & passed $2 to my 5YO & shoved $3 into his pocket.

5 proudly announced she did the chores. He watched TV.

I can’t decide if he’s a genius or a monster.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) September 16, 2020

Sent two of my third grade girls back to class and said “I love you you’re so smart and special and beautiful and strong have an amazing and wonderful day” and one said “that made me feel good” and the other said “that was a lot of adjectives”

— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) December 13, 2023

Just learned our 9y/o did an experiment on us. Lost tooth, told no one for 3d, kept tooth under his pillow. No $. Then he tells us he lost the tooth, next night there is money under his pillow. Then confronted us with his scientific evidence that the tooth fairy isn't real.

— Rogue Dad, M.D. (@RogueDadMD) April 23, 2018

My 9yo son as I dropped him off at school, "time to make some money!" Apparently he's selling his Halloween candy to the kids who aren't allowed to have candy at home.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 3, 2022

Told my daughter work was tough today and she patted my back and said, “Life isn’t always pickles and peaches,” like some kind of 3rd Grade Confucius.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 19, 2021

I told my nephew a watermelon was gonna grow in his stomach because he ate some of the seeds and I kid you not, he looked me straight in the eyes and said “nope because there’s no sunlight so you’re wrong and college has failed you”
He’s 7.

— gracie (@GracieGrayC) May 24, 2018

8yr old “If I can guess what our basketball game score will be before the game starts how much money will you give me?”

Me “The exact score? $5.”

8yr old “It’ll be 0 to 0 because I said the score before it started.”

Me “……”

8yr old “Hand it over.”

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) December 8, 2018

6YO: Can I eat a cookie?

Me: Finish your dinner first

6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2021

HR at my work just called me and i thought i was in trouble for something but they just let me know my 11-year-old sister has been commenting on their instagram every day telling them to give me a raise

— rattata dad (@OfficialSharlie) December 12, 2018

My 5yo won an argument with me by saying “I’m just going to agree with myself”

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) July 12, 2022

The most “Shawshank Redemption” story you’ll hear today:
My younger son tries to sneak sugar packets out of restaurants and eat them in the car. We’ve taken to checking his pockets, so he stuffed five of them in a hollowed-out breadstick. pic.twitter.com/F81jQuvW7g

— Peter Hartlaub (@peterhartlaub) August 21, 2018

Legit call from the school:

Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report

— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023

Kids have their own cards and they get pocket money weekly to spend on whatever they want. Youngest, 13 next week, spent over £30 on one thing the other day, saying that I’ll find out what it is when it gets here. It came today… pic.twitter.com/7GGdH5jS9r

— 𝙼𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚊 𝙻-𝙷 (@LissyLawHuds) April 13, 2021