Smart, Sassy, and Hilarious: 25 Tweets About Precocious Kids That Will Keep You Laughing

My favourite kid I ever taught when I was a swim teacher was this little 4-year-old Italian boy. One time he sneezed and nobody said anything so he just went “what? No bless yous for Giacomo?”

— Philipp Kostelecky (@CheeseCakePCK) March 14, 2022

I just made my daughter a grilled cheese and her response was “this is perfect, I bet you can’t do it twice” so yes, she knows how to play the game

— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) January 14, 2021

I told my nephew a watermelon was gonna grow in his stomach because he ate some of the seeds and I kid you not, he looked me straight in the eyes and said “nope because there’s no sunlight so you’re wrong and college has failed you”
He’s 7.

— gracie (@GracieGrayC) May 24, 2018

*singing to my 5yo* twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder what you are

Her: stop. It's a ball of gas.

Me: ….

Her: Science. Stop pretending you don't know what it is.

— KarateAndPopTarts (@KarenReneK) March 11, 2018

Bribed my 9YO w $5 to clean up so I could shower.

When I got out, he was done, so I gave him a 5.

He asked for singles & passed $2 to my 5YO & shoved $3 into his pocket.

5 proudly announced she did the chores. He watched TV.

I can’t decide if he’s a genius or a monster.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) September 16, 2020

Me: u won’t know how to ride a bike right away. Takes practice
7yo: ok
Me: took me many tries.
7yo: can I try now?
Me: be patient
7yo: Mama, can I try PLEASE
Me: be prepared to eat it
7yo: 🙄🙄 *gets on bike* *rides away*
Me: …
7yo: *yells* u were not as smart as me maybe

— Sabaa Tahir (@sabaatahir) March 18, 2019

Told my 3y.o. we needed to pick up dinner for her dad and she said "Daddy's a grown man he can cook his own food."

My work here is done.

— la pachuca ☭ (@kategoesboom) June 28, 2017

8yr old “If I can guess what our basketball game score will be before the game starts how much money will you give me?”

Me “The exact score? $5.”

8yr old “It’ll be 0 to 0 because I said the score before it started.”

Me “……”

8yr old “Hand it over.”

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) December 8, 2018

Just learned our 9y/o did an experiment on us. Lost tooth, told no one for 3d, kept tooth under his pillow. No $. Then he tells us he lost the tooth, next night there is money under his pillow. Then confronted us with his scientific evidence that the tooth fairy isn't real.

— Rogue Dad, M.D. (@RogueDadMD) April 23, 2018

our soccer ref didn’t show up so one of the moms on our team had her 9 year old son ref for us (he had a whistle) and a completely adult woman on the other team argued with one of his calls and he yellow carded her in front of everyone and she had to sit in her car to calm down

— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) December 21, 2019

My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream… pic.twitter.com/4v8Gjb9riv

— Mason Cross (@MasonCrossBooks) May 25, 2017

10 y/o daughter said a boy named, Bryan, was trying to roast her at recess so she told him, “This has been fun, Brad, but I have to go.” I said I thought his name was Bryan and she smiled and said, “It is.”

She’ll do just fine with bullies.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 10, 2022

A few days ago I opened my 7yo’s piggy bank and took some bills fully intending on replacing them before she noticed

I forgot. Apparently she counts it weekly. She freaked out. We are now heading to the bank with her purse in hand

She even charged me interest pic.twitter.com/tBBj6Kkrs3

— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) May 23, 2021

Asked my 6yo if she was a tough cookie and she said “no, because cookies crumble” and now I have a life coach.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 6, 2021

Me: What did you do at school today?

5-year-old: Learned about dragons.

Me: Your class learned about dragons?

5: I learned about dragons. I don't know what everybody else was doing.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 19, 2018

My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.

— Jen Dziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018

My 11 y/o daughter just casually told me she wants to start a company where people can order bacon, ham and sausage delivered to their house and call it “Hamazon.” This is why the world has billionaires.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 14, 2022

This student created his own cozy atmosphere today and I absolutely love it 😂 pic.twitter.com/xBQKeJAQxj

— Ms. Mileham (@MariMilehamIHES) May 11, 2021

6YO: Can I eat a cookie?

Me: Finish your dinner first

6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2021

The most “Shawshank Redemption” story you’ll hear today:
My younger son tries to sneak sugar packets out of restaurants and eat them in the car. We’ve taken to checking his pockets, so he stuffed five of them in a hollowed-out breadstick. pic.twitter.com/F81jQuvW7g

— Peter Hartlaub (@peterhartlaub) August 21, 2018

Told my daughter work was tough today and she patted my back and said, “Life isn’t always pickles and peaches,” like some kind of 3rd Grade Confucius.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 19, 2021

My 9yo son as I dropped him off at school, "time to make some money!" Apparently he's selling his Halloween candy to the kids who aren't allowed to have candy at home.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 3, 2022