Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Kid: where are you going?
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 28, 2024
Me: to the dr
Kid: by yourself?
Me: yes
Kid: without a kid?
Me: yes
Kid: won’t you be lonely?
Me: how do I say this nicely…
#2
Our 6 y/o insisted that we play telephones. I was supposed to call 911, and she was the dispatcher. I agreed.
— Adam (@YSylon) June 27, 2024
As soon as I called in, she said, “Hold, please.”
#3
During dinner when the kids were being rude
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) June 28, 2024
Me: You kids better start to behave or no sweets tonight!
My 13yo: We will
My 10yo: We will
My 6yo: Rock you…
Me: (gives 6yo all the cookies in the house)
#4
I played restaurant with my 7yo, and the worst part was when she made me call to get a reservation
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 26, 2024
#5
My kid: I bet you had just black and white movies growing up
— Maddie! 🌦️🌂 🩵 (@MadHatterMommy) June 24, 2024
Me: excuse me, I am not that old
My kid: also did you have crayons or just greyons?
#6
Lady in the park:
— Angharad 🦮🏴🤰 (@AngieBeatDown) June 25, 2024
Your baby is dressed beautifully what’s the occasion
Me: she’s about to go into the next size so I’m making t sure she’s worn things at least once 😂
#7
being a new parent is so funny. the other night the baby woke up and his hands were cold so I googled “baby’s hands cold at night” and all the results were like “yeah sometimes babies’ hands get a little cold at night” I don’t know what I expected
— Daniel M. Lavery (@daniel_m_lavery) June 25, 2024
#8
My 4yo, screaming at his little sister for touching his toy: I AM GOING TO SEND YOU TO JAIL
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 26, 2024
*looks at me, and I am frowning at him*
4yo: I mean…maybe I will send you to jail. Maybe not. We'll see.
#9
we recently switched Chomp from a cot to a toddler bed because he was trying to climb out, and whilst we realised he would be able to get in and out of his toddler bed by himself, we did not expect to go in this morning and find he’d swapped beds with the dog
— madeline odent (@oldenoughtosay) June 24, 2024
#10
3yo: I have counted my shoes. One, two.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) June 25, 2024
Me: That's right. For your two feet.
3yo: 😠 I want to have three feet.
Me: Buddy. Nobody has three feet.
3yo: YES THEY DO
Me: Where have you ever seen someone with three feet?
3yo, who has never been out of the country: IN 😤 ENGLAND 😤
#11
My 4yo told me this morning: I won't be having tantrums anymore now that I'm four. That was when I was three. Huge if true. Watch this space.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) June 24, 2024
#12
I was telling my daughter that she doesn’t need to take everyone’s opinion into account and said “like if (person) told me I am a bad mom, I wouldn’t really care because—“
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) June 25, 2024
My 6 year old: IF SOMEONE CALLED YOU THAT I WOULD HIT THEM IN THE FACE
#13
My teen said he knows he has a lot of things to do, but it’s summer vacation and he “prefers to ease into his day.”
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) June 24, 2024
It’s 3pm.
#14
*7yo plucks a sesame seed off his hamburger bun.*
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 24, 2024
7yo: If I plant this, will it grow a burger?
#15
me: [jumping on the trampoline]
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 24, 2024
9: hey dad can you land on your back and stand back up?!
me: yea! I used to do that all the time! Here we go!
Narrator: he in fact could not. He felt as though all his organs hit his spine and every breath he had was knocked out upon impact.
#16
I made the mistake of saying “ugh I don’t wanna go to work today” in the presence of my almost 5 year old. She replied “well you have to go to work so you can get money. Or else you’ll just be a bum and you can’t get me anything for my birthday” okay you’re right sorry queen😂
— Kylie 🌸 (@diaryofkylie_) June 27, 2024
#17
Interesting how my kids get through a 7 hour school day with one snack and one lunch but when they're home for the summer they will die if they go longer than 20 minutes without eating something
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 23, 2024
#18
My sons, 8 & 11: “How come teenagers get embarrassed by their parents?”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) June 26, 2024
Me: “It’s a common thing for kids once they become teenagers sometimes.”
8: “Well that’s not gonna happen for me.”
11: “Me neither.”
8: “Plus you’ll probably just stay in the car most of the time.”
#19
I took away screens for today so in lieu of them the girls have chosen to just argue instead 😍 hashtag blessed, hashtag making memories, hashtag you're gonna miss this
— ❁ (@mamahailz) June 27, 2024
#20
Me: What did you do at school today?
— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) June 28, 2024
My kid: Nothing.
School FB page: *photo of him riding in a fire engine*
#21
My kid wants to earn money to go on a pricey school trip next year and asked if the tooth fairy gives money for other body parts.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) June 23, 2024
