Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My 5yo rarely gives me any details of what happens during his school day but when I asked what happened today he said his class went to China and I don’t believe I signed a permission slip for that

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) November 28, 2022

A dad’s sneeze gains 10 decibels every year. It’s science

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 29, 2022

I had to pee so badly when I got home so I transferred the laundry, prepared lunches, bathed my youngest, and put the kids to bed

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) November 27, 2022

My 8 year old told me a boy proposed at school and she accepted and honestly this will be her second marriage so I told her she’s going to get a reputation.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 28, 2022

Part of being married is asking the other person “Where are you going?” Every time they stand up.

— Yard Dad (@IAmYardDad) November 27, 2022

Listening to a dad in this coffee shop explain to a ~4yo that Darth Vader was “a man with a lot of big feelings who didn’t have anyone to help him express them the right way.”

— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) November 29, 2022

My kids have just discovered that the family sick bowl and the cake mix bowl are one and the same. In my defence, this was also the case when I was growing up … but now I’ve said it out loud, I realise I need to break the cycle. I won’t be taking any further questions.

— Sarah Turner (@TheUnmumsyMum) November 27, 2022

I spend the first 10 minutes at any social event planning my exit strategy.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) December 1, 2022

Currently letting my 2yo unravel a whole roll of toilet paper so I can get 15 minutes of peace.

— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) December 1, 2022

[Bath & Body Works]

Me: I need a bottle of body lotion for my wife.
Clerk: These are Buy 3 Get 1 Free.
Me: I just need this one here.
Clerk: That's not Buy 3 Get 1 but it IS Buy 1 Get 2 and if you buy this it's Buy 2 Get 3 Free.
Me [leaving with 300 bottles]: how did this happen

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 27, 2022

Parenting is getting yelled at by a smaller version of your spouse.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) November 27, 2022

I googled “how long should you soak a cast iron pan” and now the FBI is at my door.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 27, 2022

"So we just have to sit here and suffer?!?" – my first grader experiencing tv commercials for the first time while staying with my mom over Thanksgiving

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 28, 2022

Here’s a marriage tip, if you need a new can opener just get a new can opener. Don’t give one to your wife for Christmas.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 28, 2022

I just found a chicken nugget in the shower, so don’t tell me having kids isn’t rewarding.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) December 2, 2022

My parenting tip to you is if your kid ever says “taste this” or “smell this” under no circumstance should you do either of these things.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) December 2, 2022

From the child you brought you I Need a Poster Board for School Tomorrow and This Paper is Due at Midnight, now brings you I Need 6 Hours of Community Service by Monday.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 2, 2022

One of the saddest things about being an adult is forgetting what you ordered on Amazon and excitedly opening up a 2 pack of air filters.

— Ivsy (@Ivsy01) November 28, 2022

pic.twitter.com/hHDBVhrW0O

— WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme) December 1, 2022

This is Jetty. He never wants to hear you complain about his barking again. 13/10 pic.twitter.com/6n7Jh45Dsu

— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) December 1, 2022