20 Funny Tweets From Parents That Had Us Laughing Out Loud

My 5yo rarely gives me any details of what happens during his school day but when I asked what happened today he said his class went to China and I don’t believe I signed a permission slip for that

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) November 28, 2022

Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this ain’t my first rodeo.

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) February 19, 2023

Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collected

Me, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 24, 2022

My 8 year old told me a boy proposed at school and she accepted and honestly this will be her second marriage so I told her she’s going to get a reputation.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 28, 2022

Cashier: Your total is $2,967.
Me: Okay. Please take off the greeting card.
Cashier: Your total is now $7.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) May 4, 2023

Listening to a dad in this coffee shop explain to a ~4yo that Darth Vader was “a man with a lot of big feelings who didn’t have anyone to help him express them the right way.”

— Stephanie Insley Hershinow (@S_Insley_H) November 29, 2022

My kids have just discovered that the family sick bowl and the cake mix bowl are one and the same. In my defence, this was also the case when I was growing up … but now I’ve said it out loud, I realise I need to break the cycle. I won’t be taking any further questions.

— Sarah Turner (@TheUnmumsyMum) November 27, 2022

I spend the first 10 minutes at any social event planning my exit strategy.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) December 1, 2022

Currently letting my 2yo unravel a whole roll of toilet paper so I can get 15 minutes of peace.

— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) December 1, 2022

[Bath & Body Works]

Me: I need a bottle of body lotion for my wife.
Clerk: These are Buy 3 Get 1 Free.
Me: I just need this one here.
Clerk: That's not Buy 3 Get 1 but it IS Buy 1 Get 2 and if you buy this it's Buy 2 Get 3 Free.
Me [leaving with 300 bottles]: how did this happen

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 27, 2022

Parenting is getting yelled at by a smaller version of your spouse.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) November 27, 2022

I googled “how long should you soak a cast iron pan” and now the FBI is at my door.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 27, 2022

"So we just have to sit here and suffer?!?" – my first grader experiencing tv commercials for the first time while staying with my mom over Thanksgiving

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 28, 2022

When my 2yo doesn’t want to talk anymore, she ends the conversation with “happy birthday” and walks away waving bye.

— Princess (@themultiplemom) May 8, 2023

I just found a chicken nugget in the shower, so don’t tell me having kids isn’t rewarding.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) December 2, 2022

My daughter apparently submitted a handwritten cover letter and resume to the daycare attached to her school to apply for a job working with the toddlers. She said she has 8 years of experience.

She's 8 years old.

— star•gyal (@beequammie) April 21, 2023

MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS

— Sravan Panuganti, DO, FACOS (@SPuro88) December 5, 2022

One of the saddest things about being an adult is forgetting what you ordered on Amazon and excitedly opening up a 2 pack of air filters.

— Ivsy (@Ivsy01) November 28, 2022

pic.twitter.com/hHDBVhrW0O

— WholesomeMemes (@WholesomeMeme) December 1, 2022

This is Jetty. He never wants to hear you complain about his barking again. 13/10 pic.twitter.com/6n7Jh45Dsu

— WeRateDogs (@dog_rates) December 1, 2022