20 Hilariously Relatable Tweets About Having Guests Over

Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collected

Me, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 24, 2022

We have 25 people coming over tomorrow for a bbq. 6 moms. 6 dads. 13 toddlers under the age of 4. My husband said if I took our girls out today that he’d ‘get the house ready.’ What did he clean in the 2 hours we were gone? The top of the fridge. He cleans the TOP OF THE FRIDGE.

— Shit I tell my toddler (@Toddler_talkin) June 25, 2023

Procedure for greeting guests:
1. Shout “THEY’RE HERE!”
2. Scurry around the house frantically for a bit for no real reason
3. Skulk and spy from window
4. Await doorbell
5. Pause for a few seconds, open door, start joyfully shouting as if it’s all a massive delightful surprise

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) December 24, 2018

Whenever I arrive at a perfectly prepped party, I like to imagine the scene 15 minutes earlier when the host was frantically stuffing things into a closet while yelling at her husband to put a shirt on.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 2, 2018

6-year-old: We picked up all our toys!

Me: Wow. Why?

6: We pretended someone is coming to visit

Me: You’re playing this every day forever

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 24, 2016

I reserve the right to use an after-dinner air horn for the guest who won’t leave.

— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) November 23, 2018

My wife said she hides snacks from me so she can put them out when guests come over, in case you were wondering why I invited you here tonight.

— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) February 10, 2019

Shout out the person at a social event who’s the first to say they’re going home and breaks the seal for the rest of the guests to be like, “Guess we’ll head out too”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 21, 2021

Me, normally: the house is clean, it looks great

Me, gearing up to host Thanksgiving: HOW DO WE LIVE LIKE THIS HAS THE TILE GROUT ALWAYS BEEN THAT COLOR DO WE HAVE TIME TO PAINT THE CABINETS

— Sara Buckley (@nottheworstmom) November 26, 2019

The absolute worst part of having house guests is that I have to wear a bra at all times.

— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) December 29, 2021

Party hack: Let your guests know it’s time to leave by having your child play a musical instrument.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 17, 2018

A charcuterie board is a festive way to tell your guests you can't cook

— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) August 12, 2021

I asked my husband for help picking up before company gets here so naturally he’s out replacing the sprinkler heads

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) August 19, 2022

Having company over so gotta change out of my ragged sweatpants and hoodie and put on my good sweatpants and hoodie.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) February 4, 2024

I have a friend coming over so naturally I’ve cleaned and tidied the house within an inch of its life. I look forward to saying “sorry about the mess” once they arrive.

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) July 29, 2023

Responding to the sound of your guest's car approaching by saying "oh god they're here"

— VeryBritishProblems (@SoVeryBritish) October 22, 2015

I may complain each and every time we're forced to host other people, but I shudder to think what our house would look like without the occasional last-minute panicked cleaning frenzies that accompany having guests over.

— Parentalgrit (@ParentalGrit) February 13, 2019

We’re having company over today, so naturally my husband is helping me prepare by looking for the soil testing kit that he bought over a year ago.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 19, 2023

I may not be a perfect mother but at least I’ve taught my children what to do when your mother-in-law shows up early for a visit pic.twitter.com/csWFEAVoZR

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 3, 2021