One of the best parts of social media is camaraderie with others, especially when it comes to parenting.
The moms and dads on Twitter keep me laughing, and also feeling like I’m not alone on this crazy ride!
I’ve compiled 20 of the funniest, most relatable parenting tweets…enjoy!
Janene
#1
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if your 4yo goes walking by the room lugging a step stool nothing good is about to happen.
— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) April 5, 2022
#2
Spent ten minutes scrubbing the wall thinking my kids left a huge stain on it and then realized it was my own shadow. I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) October 9, 2022
#3
My kid had a sleepover and in the morning I offered to make waffles, but the friend said they couldn’t eat gluten or sugar or dairy, so I offered scrambled eggs and this kid goes…”Do you have duck eggs?”
— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) December 7, 2019
Um. I’m sorry child this is not Scotland 1745, it’s my house.
#4
if you ever have baby fever just hang out with a toddler for a little bit?? this kid in the bagel shop just stared at me for a full minute and then announced to the entire room “I don’t LIKE HER HAIR” parents very apologetic but i’ve made an enemy for life
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) March 20, 2022
#5
My son had a meltdown because his sister accidentally stepped on his piece of popcorn shaped "perfectly like an octopus" and he was saving it for "his collection." I don't know about this collection. I don't want to know about this collection.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 4, 2021
#6
My 6-year-old is very set on writing and drawing his own comic books, but he says his problem right now is that he “can’t really read and write yet” AND he doesn’t “own a good stapler.”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) January 9, 2024
#7
Apparently my kid got in trouble today for PACKING OUR TOASTER IN HIS BACKPACK and pulling it out at lunch to make pop tarts for his class. I can’t stop laughing.
— Elisa Stone Leahy MALLORY IN FULL COLOR (@ElisaStoneLeahy) April 13, 2022
#8
My kid just introduced me to a new friend who is at our house as “this is my mom… she never sits down. It’s super weird”
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) October 3, 2022
#9
Legit call from the school:
— who cares (@DianaG2772) March 8, 2023
Principal: I just wanted to touch base with you. Your daughter was baiting seagulls into the playground with gummy worms and actually caught one; Like in her arms. It did bite her—not hard, but I needed to inform you that we filed an incident report
#10
I was having problems with my work computer so I called my IT guy and he was like, “You really need to stop calling me when I’m at school, Mom.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 3, 2022
#11
[Diner]
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) October 12, 2022
Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free
*me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old*
my 6 year-old: im a police
#12
Told my kids I couldn’t find the hot cocoa powder to which my 4yo said, “maybe someone took it and hid it behind my bed” which is a suspiciously specific theory.
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) October 27, 2023
#13
My daughter is asking the tooth fairy for $100, “because I really liked that tooth.”
— Mara Thee Reporter (@marascampo) January 31, 2021
😂
#14
McDonald’s forgot the chicken nuggets in my daughter’s happy meal and she said “well I guess this is a sad meal now”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 7, 2022
#15
My 6yo told his teacher we had no food in the house so she sent a flyer home with him for the local food bank. Go-Gurt, we had no Gogurt.
— My Life Is The Pitts Family (@LifePitts) January 9, 2024
#16
“You knew what you were getting into when you had children”
— Be Kind Of Witty (@bekindofwitty) January 25, 2022
Did I? Did I know that I’d be arguing with a 4yo that we don’t lick peoples feet? DID I KNOW THAT?
#17
My kids had money to spend at the store. My daughter bought a toy and my son bought….a rotisserie chicken.
— Holly Ballantine (@HollyBallantine) August 7, 2022
#18
(my 5-year-old daughter does a cartwheel)
— Marla Cáceres (@MarlaCaceres) August 2, 2022
Me: That was great! Do you want to try gymnastics classes? Or dance? You get to wear fun costumes and do shows.
Her: No. I want to be a normal person and do nothing.
#19
My daughter said she can’t wait to have kids. I asked her why and she said “so they can bring me stuff when it’s in another room.”
— Holly Ballantine (@HollyBallantine) March 19, 2022
#20
I made my bed and found a half eaten stick of butter in it. When I asked my child if she put anything in mommy’s bed, she said “I did not put butter in it.” The mystery continues. More at 11.
— LL Cool Tweet (@LLcoooltweet) June 7, 2022
