Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Nonparents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesnt want to do, and he would obey

— sarah radz (@sarahradz_) August 3, 2023

Come on in; excuse the mess, as I pretend that I didn’t spend an hour rage-cleaning just to get it to the point where I could pretend THIS is “messy”.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 1, 2023

My 6 year old: “Most of the time you eat healthy but sometimes your body just needs candy.”

— NurseKelsey (she/her) 🌈✨🎉❤️🏳️‍🌈 (@nursekelsey) August 1, 2023

pros and cons of being the last person alive on earth, according to my 8 year old:

con: loneliness

pro: every dog on the planet now belongs to you

— Birdie Girl (@BirdiePanda) August 4, 2023

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

— Laura prefers the bird (@ericamorecambe) August 3, 2023

Gave my 8yo $20 to buy a Hawaiian souvenir so he found a seashell on the beach and spent the money on ice cream.

— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) July 30, 2023

3-year-old walked in with her hands behind her back and said “I’m not holding anything behind my back, I’m just going up to my room,” and then sidled upstairs calling “I’m not tricking you!” over her shoulder. Why do I feel like this is a trick

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) August 2, 2023

Have kids so your 3 y/o can wake you up by standing next to your bed whispering, “I want cheese” at 6:07 in the morning.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) August 1, 2023

I cannot get over that when I was 8-10 years old I would call my dad AT WORK and speak with a SECRETARY (“sorry honey! He’s in a meeting!”) and idk if my 12yo knows how to make a telephone call.

— emily (@emilykmay) August 4, 2023

My daughter told me that I should be a little faster with her laundry and asked if I could fold things a little neater. She had a whole near-death experience and didn’t even realize.

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) July 31, 2023

Asked my 5-yo to clean her room multiple times today. She assured me she did. I went in: literally nothing had changed. “In what world,” I asked, “is this a clean room?”

She looked me dead in the eye. “In a TRASH world.”

— Katie Gutierrez (@katie_gutz) August 2, 2023

One of my kids set the air-conditioning to 91, so he’s ready to be a dad

— meghan (@deloisivete) July 29, 2023

6yo, looking at a cemetery: WAIT HOW CAN THEY ALL DIE IN ONE SPOT

— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) August 2, 2023

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life” and it’s just they were told to unload the dishwasher.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 3, 2023

grandmas be like imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2023

Parenting Tip: If your toaster has been smelling weird all week, check inside! There could be a Lightning McQueen race car at the bottom. Know. The. Signs.

— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) August 4, 2023

Would anyone like to see 52,000 photos of my first child or the one poorly lit, blurry pic of my second?

— Rick Aaron (@RickAaron) August 2, 2023

Honesty is the best policy unless kids under 10 eat free.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 3, 2023

Sometimes I think about the time my four year old told me she ate fruit at school and when I asked her what kind she said flamangos.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 3, 2023

Reasons my 3 y/o cried last week:

-I filled up his water bottle to high
-My wife took a shower
-Our dog walked out of the room
-His brother went down for his nap
-I didn’t sit on the couch in the exact spot he wanted me too.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) July 31, 2023

The reaction is hillarious🥝👦 pic.twitter.com/jacY5hpAj6

— Tansu YEĞEN (@TansuYegen) August 3, 2023