If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
Avocado: not ripe
— Elspeth Eastman (@ElspethEastman) September 18, 2016
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: not ripe
Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW
Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted
#2
there is a guy i see every single time i’m at the gym. morning, night, midday, twice a days, i’m like this is outrageous. today, i’m here & there are two of them. they’re twins lmao it’s all adding up
— Heifer Hotline (@janeinLA) August 27, 2024
#3
I asked my 4 year old why he was heading into the garage and he casually replied, "don't worry, dad, I'm just grabbing a hammer." I know I should intervene, but part of me hopes he's going to fix the loose baseboard in the hallway.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 31, 2021
#4
My son told me I’m a mean mommy and I have to shop at the mean mommy store. Do you think it’s Target? I hope it’s Target.
— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) September 21, 2021
#5
When the chip breaks off in the dip you have to go back with another chip for the rescue mission.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) February 14, 2024
#6
My boyfriend washed dishes and I haven’t said anything about it. He’s said “wow this kitchen looks spotless” twice since 8pm
— mp (@friasmp) November 13, 2022
#7
I’ll never forgive my dad for sending me to AutoZone for blinker fluid
— gas station dream girl (@cheygoulet) August 30, 2024
#8
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
— Jessie 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) April 10, 2014
#9
Been listening to my wife talk about her work drama and I’m trying to think of the best way to let her know I love her but I think I’m on Denise’s side on this one.
— The Dad (@thedad) October 18, 2022
#10
My mom has a podcast but you can only hear it if you have the password to my voicemail
— Dan Duvall (@DanDuvallComedy) July 17, 2018
#11
5yo: Does everyone in the world have kids?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 18, 2018
Me: No, some people decide they don’t want to have them.
5: I don’t want kids.
Me: Why not?
5: They’re a lot of work.
Me: Then why don’t you be less difficult for me?
5: Well, you decided to have kids.
#12
MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS
— Sravan Panuganti, DO, FACOS (@SPuro88) December 5, 2022
#13
Fridge ice dispenser- when you want some ice in your cup but also some on the floor
— Heatherhere 👽 (@Heatinblack) March 4, 2024
#14
Uber driver: Sorry, no ingles.
— Jasmine Harkness (@JasmineCie) April 25, 2024
Me: No hay problema. Como estas?
Uber driver: Ma’am, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel like talking.
😂😂😂
#15
I feel like this should go without saying, but don’t buy my child a harmonica.
— Erin De Boer (@erin_de_boer) December 22, 2018
#16
Not my 9 year old telling me she’s having a problem with a boy at school so they’re having a rap battle tomorrow 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
— Dyoncé (@Dyonnce) July 27, 2021
#17
I could never be a movie critic because almost every time I see a movie I’m like “yeah that was fun” and it’s usually because I got popcorn and a big soda
— sarah (@sablaah) March 15, 2024
#18
when I was 12 or so my babysitter would always talk about this girl she used to babysit—how cool she was, how much she missed her—and it made me hate this girl out of pure childish jealously bc I wanted my babysitter to think *I* was cool. the other girl was Emma Stone however
— the girl reading this 🙂 (@bexual_healing) March 11, 2024
#19
they should invent a kind of sleep that leaves you refreshed in the morning
— ✦ eve ✦ (@impossiblyeve) February 11, 2024
#20
Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT
— Alex Tumay (@alextumay) October 24, 2017
Good news: pic.twitter.com/bPN6uji4ws
