Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
I don’t know who needs to hear this but living your life to the fullest does not have to involve hiking
— todd dillard (@toddedillard) July 21, 2022
#2
5yo was on the iPad and found his way to Amazon.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 18, 2023
Calling from the other room: “Hey Mama, can I press ‘buy now’? This is only $390.”
In other news, I set a new sprint record.
#3
My kid just learned “uh oh spaghettios” but he keeps forgetting and is yelling “oh no noodles” instead
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 1, 2022
#4
Midwest peer pressure is when your neighbor just mowed their lawn and you now have 24 hours to respond
— Midwest vs. Everybody (@midwestern_ope) April 20, 2024
#5
My 4yo niece: do you have a girlfriend?
— J u l i u s (@Julius2784) April 20, 2024
Me: no
Niece: a boyfriend?
Me: no
[pause]
Niece: do you have a friend?
😭😭😭
#6
I have hit rockbottom, I’m watching a Hallmark movie with my wife.
— Tony P. (@Tbone7219) July 19, 2022
#7
Hell hath no fury like a woman who told you exactly where something is but now has to get it herself because you couldn't find it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2022
#8
Before kids: “My KiDs WiLL eAt wHaT I GiVe ThEm.”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) March 23, 2023
Two kids in: “What do you want for lunch? A bowl of ketchup with a side of melted ice cream? Ok, here you go.”
#9
It’s pretty impressive how chill toddlers are most of the time when you remember that they usually have 0 context for anything that is happening.
— Frances Klein (@fklein907) July 14, 2023
Today, a week after we moved to another state, my son looked around and then asked, “are we still on earth?”
#10
I’m a grownup, and I can stay up as late as I want, which is why I choose to go to sleep at 830 PM.
— Adam (@YSylon) April 18, 2024
#11
I have a friend who is a meteorologist.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 18, 2024
When he wants to hang out I tell him there's a 100% chance I'll be there and then I don't show up.
#12
who was the first person to see a frozen lake and be like “get me my sharpest shoes”
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 26, 2022
#13
Me: I got bitten on my walk by a Great Dane
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) May 3, 2020
Her: My God – imagine if it had been a small child
Me: I could have fought off a small child, Alice
#14
6-year-old: Did you and Mom text each other back when you were dating?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 3, 2019
Me: We didn't have cell phones.
6: Because there was no electricity?
Yeah. That's it.
#15
20's: need to look cool when I go out
— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) July 14, 2023
30's: need to look cool and be comfortable when I go out
40's: need to be comfortable when I go out
50's: I don't need to go out
#16
I always think my feelings are SO COMPLICATED but then Spring happens and I’m like oh no wait I’m fine
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 27, 2023
#17
Everyone hates math until their paycheck looks funny… then all of a sudden you know trigonometry
— Mr.Carter (@dexteristwisted) April 16, 2024
#18
why did we all run around collecting cool looking rocks when we were little kids what were we preparing for
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) July 29, 2019
#19
My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.
— mariana Z (@mariana057) October 16, 2022
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
#20 Omg I would save that cup forever just to make me laugh every time I looked at it!
Every time they ask my name in Starbucks I think about Cark. pic.twitter.com/BuKzmgJzrc
— KT Tunstall (@KTTunstall) April 21, 2024