25 Funny Tweets Every Chocolate Lover Will Relate To

u should be able to order a chocolate chip cookie medium rare

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 25, 2022

We had 7 chocolates and 3 kids, so I ate 4 cause I am a problem solver.

— 🧣Mad Hatter Mommy!!!❄️ (@MadHatterMommy) June 17, 2022

The four seasons:

Pumpkin Reese’s
Christmas Tree Reese’s
Easter Egg Reese’s
Regular Reese’s

— Scarlett Longstreet (@ScarlettPosner) November 19, 2020

4-year-old: Why can't I have chocolate milk?

Me: You don't need more chocolate.

4: Everybody needs more chocolate.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 16, 2019

Husband: It’s so weird that the kids didn’t get any Twix or Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups for Halloween.

Me: *wipes the chocolate from my mouth* So weird.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) November 1, 2022

Wife – You ate all of the Reeses eggs?
Me – You left them out in the open on the top shelf under the shirts in the back of the closet.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 14, 2017

Make your oatmeal raisin cookies better by using the recipe for chocolate chip cookies.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 11, 2019

They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.

— RC deWinter (@RCdeWinter) September 13, 2021

i don’t want to get up. i want to stay in bed until the day my grandson wins tickets to a chocolate factory

— regular david (@OrdinaryAlso) October 3, 2022

"Mommy, we should make a fort out of chocolate."

Me: "I'm listening."

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) October 27, 2017

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) November 10, 2020

“nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” ok you’ve obviously never had a chocolate croissant

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) November 1, 2022

Found a stash of chocolate in my daughter’s drawer, it’s beautiful to see traditions get passed from one generation to the next

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 25, 2022

9-year-old: Is chocolate dangerous?

Me: If you give it to dogs.

Wife: Or if you don't give it to me.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 12, 2019

made hot chocolate for my 5 year old and she was like “it’s like a warm cozy blanket for inside my body!” in case anyone’s looking for a 5 year old copywriter

— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) December 17, 2023

Salad is being recalled. Do you know what's never been recalled? Oreos.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) April 26, 2018

6yo asked for a treat, and I said “we’re out. We’ll get some at the store tomorrow” and she said “no we’re not! Mom has chocolate behind the washing machine” and I kid you not, my wife’s soul fell from her body because somehow the kids found her private stash of Lindor truffles.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) October 17, 2020

My friends: This year we had our second child!

Me: This year I learned how many Reese’s cups I can eat in a single sitting before they start tasting weird

— Alex Hirsch (@_AlexHirsch) November 26, 2021

A child: what’s that?

Me holding an oreo milkshake: it’s spicy you won’t like it.

— 𝓍𝑜𝓍𝑜 (@Rlawsonnnn) October 9, 2020

Day 12 -without chocolate.
I just lost hearing in my left eye.

— ⊹٭𝚆𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚔٭⊹ (@metickleu) July 16, 2020

I caught my husband eating the last Reese’s candy. First of all, that’s our son’s candy. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 1, 2021

i watched 13 take a spoonful of peanut butter and dip it into a bowl of chocolate chips and WHY HAVE I NEVER DONE THIS?

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 23, 2022

I do unfortunately believe that if I can’t have a bit of chocolate every day I might as well be dead

— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) January 15, 2024

It is shocking to me that there exist, on this good green earth, people who purchase chocolate chips and then just keep them in the pantry until a Baking Time is upon them, and do not scarf them out of hand at random intervals like a ravenous hamster. Anthropology is fascinating.

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) August 13, 2023