20 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

Generational humor

Apparently a Gen Z friend-of-a-friend of my husband went to the bank and they asked for his "social," and he gave his Instagram handle. 🤣

— Dr. Amy, Psy.D. (@DrAmyPsyD) June 15, 2023

I’m having a hot girl summer but it might just be menopause

— Simone (@SimoneSpringer) June 13, 2023

I often think of the time I thought I had lost my phone and spent five minutes looking for it while ON THE PHONE with my sister. As I was looking, she asked if I wanted her to call it. We are geniuses.

— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) June 11, 2023

I miss when we could earn prizes for reading books, I want my stickers and pizza coupons

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 4, 2023

Me, in my teens: Wow, this is a really nice car.

Me, in my 20s: Wow, this is a really nice house.

Me, in my 30s: Wow, this is a really nice dish sponge.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 15, 2023

One of my favorite experiences being a physician is meeting patients >90 years old, and asking them what they believe helped them live so long.

My favorite answer was today, when a 98 year old woman answered: dessert, every single day, for her entire life. She never skips 😀🥹

— Danielle Belardo, MD (@DBelardoMD) June 14, 2023

man i just do not know how to act around warm bread

— rax ‘leads with her crotch’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) June 16, 2023

I shouldn't be this proud to wash and dry a load of laundry in the same day.

— WittySassBasket™ (@WittySassBasket) June 13, 2023

I regret to say that the annoying people who insist that exercise is better first thing in the morning were right

— Heidi N. Moore (@moorehn) June 14, 2023

My coworker asked me what’s wrong as if we don’t work at the same place.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 14, 2023

I have big plans for this evening. I'm going to sit down in one room until it's time to go lie down in another.

— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) June 14, 2023

My husband brought home single ply toilet paper. Does anybody know the return policy on husbands?

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 16, 2023

The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor and this is how the war against the machines begins.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) June 15, 2023

Can you imagine being a first grade teacher? How many lost teeth you see? Wiggling, yanking, bleeding, showing you. All day long, teeth fall out of the children. They sit down for math and spit teeth onto the table. They leave trails of teeth behind them like bread crumbs.

— Sasha Brown (@DantonSix) June 14, 2023

the husband is at the grocery store “helping” with the shopping and now i’m in a hostage situation while he texts me every thirty seconds about the contents in the fridge

— nika (@nikalamity) June 13, 2023

Accidentally put my contacts in after cutting jalapeños and now I can see the inside of my brain and the 7th circle of hell

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) June 10, 2023

exercise is wild. on one hand it’s so good for you… on the other hand it is the most horrible thing a human being can experience

— latke (@latkedelrey) June 15, 2023

my morning routine is to brush my teeth, wash my face, have a coffee and do a few stretches, usually takes about 4 hours and 45 minutes.

— chlobuchar (@me_im_chloe) June 16, 2023

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on

— meghan (@deloisivete) June 12, 2023

I live by the school where I work, so I often see students when I walk my dog. Today my dog met one of my kindergarteners for the first time. The kindergartener leaned down and whispered to my dog, "I'm your best friend now. Don't forget me."

— Caitlin Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) June 15, 2023