Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week

My 3-year-old said she wished we had a pet. I reminded her we have a dog and wow the genuine surprise on her face as it dawned on her that our dog is a pet and not just some other guy who lives here.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 7, 2023

I’m on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, “I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I can’t find it”

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 9, 2023

There are those who say, ‘I’ll just do it later,’ and those who say, ‘I’ll do it now so I don’t have to do it later,’ and they marry each other.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) February 5, 2023

Oh look, it’s the time of night when I make all the wrong dietary choices

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) February 9, 2023

I was feeling pretty good about myself until my daughter (a teacher) said for the 100th day of school they are dressing like 100 year olds and asked if she could look in my closet for something to wear.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 7, 2023

I don’t buy tupperware containers, I steal them from my parent’s house like an adult

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 7, 2023

4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. DON'T. WANT. MORNING. AGAIN. Turn it off!"

— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) February 7, 2023

Dentists be like, “The earliest we can get you in is today at 1 or a Tuesday afternoon 6 months from now.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 7, 2023

Nothing says '80s parenting like my mom taping my bangs to my forehead to cut them in a straight line

— meghan (@deloisivete) February 10, 2023

Nothing hurts your feelings like accidentally opening the front-facing camera

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) February 8, 2023

My kids love taking turns, for example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) February 10, 2023

The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 8, 2023

My son's favorite meal is what he calls 'mommy toast' which is when I make him toast but I have to pretend it's for me and he steals it off my plate

— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) February 7, 2023

The annoying thing about being a woman is you have to wear your makeup every day, or never. If you wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks you’re dying

— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) February 7, 2023

Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where I’m blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar.

— Mama x2 (@Mamax215) February 9, 2023

Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. My kid could break a window and they would be like, "Way to go, buddy! You really showed that glass!"

— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) February 7, 2023

I never really appreciated being able to just easily bend down and pick up things when I was younger

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) February 7, 2023

The 5yo lost one of her toys and was looking all over the house and I finally found it and brought it up to her room and said “who’s the best mommy in the world?” and that kid looked me dead in the eye and said “grandma.”

— Dinah (@dinahaddie) February 5, 2023

Parenting tip: never, ever move the car seat. Just sell the vehicle. pic.twitter.com/LaYESO0aC8

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 5, 2023

I had a really annoying day. Very frustrated.

My kids knew that.

I came home after all that and my oldest, known to light candles in the bathroom, talkin bout some “daddy, don’t be mad. My toilet is smoking.”

I didn’t listen. I got mad.

This what I see when I walked in. pic.twitter.com/hWtAjufSwa

— Trey Ferguson (@PastorTrey05) February 7, 2023