20 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Parents

The only real parenting hack is to live close to the grandparents

— Peter Yang (@petergyang) January 15, 2023

My 4yo put on a pair of jeans for the first time yesterday and as soon as buttoned them she said, "Mommy, these are NOT good pants," took them off, threw them across the floor, and put on leggings.

— Shannon (@ShannonJCurtin) January 16, 2023

Parents be like, “We thought your home could use the encyclopedia set we bought for you in the 4th grade.”

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 17, 2023

My 3 year old, who doesn’t notice her pants are inside out or that her shoes are on the wrong feet, can spot a diced onion in her food from 3 feet away

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 5, 2020

Trying to get 3-year-old ready for school on time but she is insisting that the only thing she’ll eat for lunch is “the biggest pie you’ve ever seen”

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) January 18, 2023

As part of helping me declutter the house, my husband tackled the junk drawer; the drawer is empty, everything is strewn all over the counters, and he’s watching tv so it’s going about as well as expected.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) January 15, 2023

I just told a 1st grader, "We don't have time for you to run for mayor of the cafeteria." And he said, "I can't do that anyway, I'm already sheriff of the library." Then he walked out to the bus with exaggerated wide steps so as not to catch his trouser hems on imaginary spurs.

— Caitlin 🚗 🧀 Driscoll (@TeacherOnTopic) January 19, 2023

This morning my daughter lovingly touched my face and in the sweetest voice said “you don’t look that old mom”

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) January 18, 2023

When I moved into my house, the first thing I did was put a chair in the corner of my bedroom so I’d have some place to throw my clothes

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 18, 2023

Accidentally stumbled on my kid’s diary where she says sweet things about me like how she loves me and how she can’t sleep all night because I snore “like cow and pig.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 17, 2023

Welcome to your 40's. You're more interested in figuring out what show this actress has been in before than the show you're watching her in now.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 16, 2023

Maybe she’s crazy, or maybe you just heated up uncovered chili in the freshly cleaned microwave.

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) January 17, 2023

My wife has been shopping with our 14-yr old for the last five hours so I made three gallons of sangria for her when she gets home.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 15, 2023

Thinking about a former student who told me she had started watching old movies, and when I asked oh like Casablanca countered with no The Breakfast Club

— meghan (@deloisivete) January 14, 2023

Saw an old girlfriend at the grocery store so I put a couple of 18 count egg cartons in my cart so she could see how rich I am now.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 14, 2023

Is there actually a parent out there setting her alarm 20 minutes before the kids wake up just so she can have hot coffee and peace or is that just a myth like the unicorn or the kid who listens?

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 14, 2023

fellow husbands, if your wife complains that the house is cold all you have to do is tell her she'll warm up if she does the housework.

Follow me for more marriage tips.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 16, 2023

I left my toddler alone with a yogurt pouch 'for just a minute' – A horror story

— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 17, 2023

Wife: I just wish you would open up and tell me what you’re thinking.

Me: OK, in the $1.50 Costco hotdog combo do you think the hot dog is $1 and the drink is $.50 or both $.75?

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 16, 2023

My three-year-old just went into his room for bed with something under his shirt. He happily told me it was his “t-Rex baby.”

Actually, it was a hunk of parmesan he wanted to gnaw on in bed. pic.twitter.com/q39vbfAjsN

— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) January 16, 2023