22 Hilarious Tweets of Kids Roasting Their Parents That Are Comedy Gold

I was complaining that we have too much stuff in our house and need to get rid of some of it and my 4yo looked me dead in the eye and said “you should probably burn it in the oven like all our food mummy” and then carried on playing with her Barbie

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 14, 2021

[dramatically opens a stuck lid on a bottle]

Me: Not bad, huh?

4-year-old: You're almost as strong as Mom.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 25, 2016

I told my nephew a watermelon was gonna grow in his stomach because he ate some of the seeds and I kid you not, he looked me straight in the eyes and said “nope because there’s no sunlight so you’re wrong and college has failed you”
He’s 7.

— gracie (@GracieGrayC) May 24, 2018

I will never forget the day my young son asked, while looking at our wedding photo “Mom, who is that pretty lady next to Dad?”

— Ulla Meredith (@UllaMeredith) February 10, 2020

my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”

— ceciATL (@ceciATL) January 28, 2021

My daughter went back to college today and I texted her that I missed her so much and she texted back 2.5 hours later, “Yes.” Then, “Sorry, that wasn’t for you.”

I WAS IN LABOR FOR 14 HOURS

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 11, 2021

One of the greatest joys of parenting is doing workout videos in front of your children. They yell out little encouragements like, “mom, she’s going faster than you!” and “why’d you stop, it’s still going!”

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) January 4, 2022

our soccer ref didn’t show up so one of the moms on our team had her 9 year old son ref for us (he had a whistle) and a completely adult woman on the other team argued with one of his calls and he yellow carded her in front of everyone and she had to sit in her car to calm down

— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) December 21, 2019

Me: We all make mistakes.
5: Even you?
Me: Yep
5: Oh yeah! Like when you're trying to cook food that tastes good but then it doesn't?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 15, 2016

asked my 5-year-old what she wanted for dinner and she said “not a burned quesadilla” bc in the summer of 2019 I overcooked one side of her quesadilla

— todd dillard (@toddedillard) March 3, 2021

I was teaching my son to read and he asked me how to spell "momma." Not sure if my wife preferred "mama," I paused and said, "I don't know, I'll ask mom." After that we practiced DOG, CAT, and RUN, and after each word he'd ask if I was sure or if I wanted to check with my wife.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 30, 2020

We just waited an hour to see our pediatrician. As soon as he walked in my toddler took his hand and pointed to his watch and said “This is a clock.” Which was the most passive aggressive thing I have ever witnessed.

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) February 26, 2019

Every Father’s Day I think about the time I jokingly asked my 4 year-old daughter if she was going to get me a “World's Best Dad” mug. “Nope,” she said gravely. “I haven’t met all the dads in the world.”

— RM (@dorsalstream) June 16, 2019

When I ask my husband to do projects around the house, I send my 5yo to "help" him bc she motivates him by saying things like:

"I don't think you're strong enough to carry that box."

"You're going so slow."

"Why did you drop those screws on the ground like that?"

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) July 16, 2020

My four-year-old once leaned into my upper arm and sighed, "Aaaah. I love squishy things."

— Emilie (@doritos4dinner) February 10, 2020

I told my 6yo that I’m 38, and she started crying. When I asked why, she said, “I’m just sad because old people die.” So now I’m both touched because she loves me so much, and depressed because thinks my life expectancy is that of a 17th century colonial farmer.

— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 2, 2020

8yr old “If I can guess what our basketball game score will be before the game starts how much money will you give me?”

Me “The exact score? $5.”

8yr old “It’ll be 0 to 0 because I said the score before it started.”

Me “……”

8yr old “Hand it over.”

— Cydni Beer (@cydbeer) December 8, 2018

I explained to my daughter that when Netflix started they used to send you DVDs.

6yr old: (old lady voice) You know, back in my day, the internet used to come in the mail.

— Donald Zimmer (@zimmer_donald) September 27, 2020

My youngest took her little hands and put them on either side of my face and oh so sweetly said:

“Mommy you have little lines around your eyes. Is that because you’re old now?”

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 28, 2022

5 asked me if I’ve ever been to jail and when I said no, she said “wow, not even for your cooking?”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 26, 2022

We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom."

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) May 15, 2022