20 Funny Tweets Every Mom Will Find Hilariously Accurate

*Mary Poppins voice*
Ok, children! Time to go!
[15 min later]
*Batman voice*
I said let's go.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 5, 2015

Sometimes I like to mess with my family and hide their stuff where they can't find it.

Like I put their shoes in the shoe closet, their jacket on a hanger and their keys on the key hook.

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) January 8, 2020

At my baby shower years ago, someone told me I was having a best friend for life. This morning my daughter stole my mascara and told me I dress like Adam Sandler in case you’re wondering how that special friendship is progressing

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 22, 2023

Before I had kids, I thought I had a great immune system, but it turns out I was just really good at staying away from the type of people who sneeze directly into your eyeballs while telling you a story.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 10, 2018

My 11yo just screamed across the skatepark “MOM! DID YOU EVER GET OUR HEALTH INSURANCE REINSTATED? I WANNA DO A TRICK!”

— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) June 20, 2021

I’m writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 23, 2022

I had to cough but my kids were sleeping so I literally just choked on my own saliva because apparently I choose dying over accidentally waking them up.

— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 8, 2023

*Me, a surgeon, chopping sweet potatoes with my mom.”

My mom: Be careful with that knife.

— Dr. Chels (@Muktab_) December 25, 2023

I don’t know who needs to hear this but THE KITCHEN SCISSORS STAY IN THE KITCHEN

— Lovely Potatoes (@robin_991) January 17, 2022

After watching my toddler like a hawk nonstop I glance at my phone for 0.00012 seconds, and when I look up she is somehow smoking a cigarette and wielding a crossbow

— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 3, 2022

Me: I’m going to the grocery store…any suggestions?
9yo: [doesn’t look up from kindle]
7yo: I don’t care
Husband: Just get whatever

[3 hrs later]

9yo: Aww, I like the other kind of rice.
7yo: Hey, why didn’t you get waffles?
Husband: *bewildered* You didn’t get granola bars?

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 20, 2019

My teenage daughter just walked in my room and said, “Mom, if you take my hairbrush can you please remember to put it back?”.

I just looked at her and laughed and laughed and laughed until she slowly backed out of the room.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) May 11, 2021

If you look closely at the circles around a mother's eyes, you can count how many years she's lived without sleep.

— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) August 30, 2017

“OK, THAT’S IT. YOU HAVE LOST YOUR SCOTCH TAPE PRIVILEGES!” I announce loudly up the staircase to whoever can hear me because motherhood turns you into a lunatic.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 9, 2024

Behind every photo taken at home is a mom pushing random crap out of the way so her house appears clean.

— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) January 28, 2019

I like to send little notes in my kid’s lunchbox, like “Sorry the Wheat Thins are stale, that’s what happens when you leave the box open.”

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) October 8, 2018

Whenever there's a baby delivered in a TV show, moms are required to say, "That's not a newborn."

— A Dad Influence (@gbergan) October 3, 2022

I've reached that point as a Mom where I'll eat a piece of pie with my bare hands over the trash if it means not getting another dish dirty.

— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) November 28, 2016

Have kids, they said pic.twitter.com/g3ilWo9Jwb

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 24, 2021