15 of the Funniest Tweets From Women This Week

i love talking to myself, she gets me

— tri (@vxytri) May 9, 2023

Reading has taught me that when it comes to men my type is fictional

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 9, 2023

It’s woman law if another woman tells you your outfit is cute and you got a deal on it you must tell them where you got it and how much it cost.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 10, 2023

Turns out you can only have 500 open tabs on Safari

— natalayhehoo (@highprobably1) May 11, 2023

i love taking dayquil. why feel a little sick when you could feel totally insane

— trash jones (@jzux) May 10, 2023

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic thing you’ve had for the past four years

— K Matar (@KrystleMatar) May 6, 2023

there should be like a second horn on your car for when the light is green and the person in front of you isn't going bc they're on their phone but you're not like mad about it. hi bestie i love you beep beep it's driving time

— cait (@punished_cait) May 9, 2023

Me: Just a trim please
Hairstylist: [ Shaves my head]
Me: Oh wow I love it thank you

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 10, 2023

If I ever tell you that I will call you right back, just move on with your life.

— T-Rob (@atwistedtiara) May 11, 2023

Me: *buys a bra*
The internet: you like BRAS? perhaps you like ONLY BRAS?? Do you need 10,000 BRAS? Do you need to see a new bra every .5 SECONDS?? HERE ARE ALL THE BRAS FOREVER!! YOU WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FAMILY’S POSTS AGAIN ONLY BRAS!

— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) May 8, 2023

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics

— Rachel (@RachelNoise) May 9, 2023

thinking about this girl i shared a taxi with that pealed a banana, threw the banana out, bit the peal, realised what had just happened, kept the peal inside her bag and looked out the window for the rest of our ride

— granola holmes (@superachnural) May 10, 2023

me: in or out

dog: yep

me: which one

dog: you bet

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 6, 2023

Three months ago, my cat lived on the streets of Bushwick. Today, he has an electronic litter box. Literally the plot of Annie.

— Ginny Hogan (@ginnyhogan_) May 10, 2023

Ordered a cake from Costco and their system is from the 1800s, you write what you want on a piece of paper & put it in a box then nobody follows up and you just show up and hope they made it? I tried to call to confirm & they were like “if you put it in the box, it will be there”

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 11, 2023