21 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents Raising Girls

Daughter stopped dribbling and started talking to the girl guarding her, then she just gave her the basketball because “she wouldn’t stop waving her hands and it was annoying,” so dreams of that athletic scholarship may be on hold.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) February 12, 2022

My daughter could bring up the time I took her to Disney but she usually brings up the time I made her a sandwich using the heel of the bread.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 3, 2022

I asked my twins the best thing about turning 6 and my boy twin said “my hands growing bigger” and my girl twin said “I can drink wine now”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 18, 2022

Told my 3y.o. we needed to pick up dinner for her dad and she said "Daddy's a grown man he can cook his own food."

My work here is done.

— la pachuca ☭ (@kategoesboom) June 28, 2017

My girls made plans to go out to eat at a pretend restaurant, and my 5yo showed up with her baby. They started fighting. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! Not you AND your baby!" My 5yo holding her baby, "I can't leave the baby home alone!" I'm getting popcorn.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 30, 2022

When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, “In a pie-eating contest, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie.” I think about that a lot.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 27, 2022

My 7yo daughter: someone at camp said girls aren’t tough.

Me: what did you say to that?

My 7yo, who has had a loose tooth for over a week: I pulled out my tooth in front of him and he stopped talking to me. #parenting

— Katie Cook (@katiecandraw) August 24, 2018

i sit with my daughter while she falls asleep and i always whisper “i love you” in her ear as soon as she falls asleep& she says “i love you too” well tonight we had a little argument before she fell asleep i still whispered “i love you” & all she whispered back was “good” LMFAO

— ceciATL (@ceciATL) September 10, 2020

A 5-year-old stomped into a restaurant in a princess dress, held up her arms and shouted "I'M HERE." I just hired her to be my life coach.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 27, 2017

My daughter locked eyes with a boy at the park, shouted his name while shaking her fist in the air, and he ran in the opposite direction. When I asked her what that was all about she said, “Oh, him? He’s my mortal enemy.” My 8YO leads an infinitely more interesting life than me.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) September 28, 2021

My daughter went back to college today and I texted her that I missed her so much and she texted back 2.5 hours later, “Yes.” Then, “Sorry, that wasn’t for you.”

I WAS IN LABOR FOR 14 HOURS

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) January 11, 2021

My teenage daughter just walked in my room and said, “Mom, if you take my hairbrush can you please remember to put it back?”.

I just looked at her and laughed and laughed and laughed until she slowly backed out of the room.

— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) May 11, 2021

Me: You wanna watch the baseball game with me?

Teen daughter: No. I don’t like baseball.

Me: I didn’t like Little Mermaid, but I watched it 1,387 times. Now, go get your hat and jersey on.

— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 25, 2022

In case you wondered what it's like to raise 4 daughters, I had to settle a heated fight over whose turn it was to ride an imaginary dolphin

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2016

My daughter’s stories have a beginning, middle, more middle, side plot, almost the end, nope back to the middle, this has to be the end, what is happening, end, alternate ending.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 5, 2021

5 told me to come to her hair salon, rearranged my hair then put the mirror in front of us and said “well I look beautiful but I haven’t been able to help you this time” then she looked me in the eye and said “you still have to pay though”

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) July 6, 2022

My 5-year-old was pretending to do her Wordle with me. As she pushed buttons on her cardboard phone, "yes! I got it!" I asked how she got it so quick. Her, "I have a pretend phone I can do whatever I want." That's fair.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 14, 2022

1day I'll be thankful my daughter is an independent iron willed human w/an unrelenting strong voice,but not today, not in this grocery store

— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) August 31, 2015

I played Dungeons and Dragons with my daughters.

They were supposed to fight the wolves surrounding a town.

Instead, they fed the wolves and turned them into their friendly wolf army.

Girls, man. They’ll take over the world.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 7, 2018

My daughter actually submitted this feedback at school. Not sure if I should ground her or buy her ice cream… pic.twitter.com/4v8Gjb9riv

— Mason Cross (@MasonCrossBooks) May 25, 2017