The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022

My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

— mariana Z🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 (@mariana057) October 16, 2022

Marriage is sending your husband to the grocery store with a list, and then spending the whole time by your phone answering questions.

— MumOfTwo (@MumOfTw0) October 15, 2022

Why would I need a haunted house when I can just open the dishwasher and see how my husband arranged the dishes

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 13, 2022

Of course I listen to podcasts. What am I supposed to listen to? My own thoughts? Oh dear god no.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 16, 2022

I was looking into party ideas for my twins 6th birthday and came across someone who does slime & glitter parties so I reported them to the police

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 16, 2022

My wife makes us put $5 in the "find jar" every time we make her find something we can't locate in the house.

After 13 months of saving, today we are buying a Ford Explorer

— Michael James (@MikeJamesAuthor) October 17, 2022

My favorite Fall ritual is watching the Low Tire Pressure light go on in every vehicle I own.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2022

My husband is volunteer coaching 2nd grade basketball and out of nowhere one of the kids burst into tears. When my husband asked him what was wrong, he said, “I’m just so hungry and I KNOW my brother is just sitting at home eating snacks.”

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) October 16, 2022

A couple sat in the booth behind me and one of them said, “you want to go ahead and talk about it now and get it over with?” I haven’t been this excited in a long time.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 16, 2022

Me: Wow. This song is really old.

10-year-old: Yeah. I think it's from nineteen-something.

Me: Go to bed.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 17, 2022

Marriage involves a lot more shouting “I’M IN THE BATHROOM” than I originally thought.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 19, 2022

Last night my 7YO slept with her mom and this morning she told me “mommy snores louder than you” Kids truly bring joy

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 19, 2022

Parents be like, “Here’s something from your childhood we found in our house, we thought you’d like to have it for sentimental value*”

*Because we want it to clutter up your house instead of ours now

— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 12, 2022

If by yoga you mean reaching the outlet to plug in my charger without getting out of bed, then yes, I do yoga

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 16, 2022

my 6yo and i witnessed people fighting at the store and she looks over at me at goes “this is the last time i come to earth”

— oasisofserenity 𓂀 (@yearofthepoets) October 20, 2022

went to Costco this afternoon with my wife and mom and while they were discussing which is better, the green/yellow or blue/yellow sponges, I was able to see my soul actually leaving my body

— 🎃👻💀Dead Moon Rising💀👻🎃 (@raoulvilla) October 16, 2022

I introduced my kids to Ramen too early and they're tired of eating it and now I have no idea how they're going to survive in college.

— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) October 17, 2022

My 7yo told me that her friend Michael said the S-word. When I asked which Michael she replied with, "not Michael Jordan." Ah okay, it must be the Michael from school then.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 15, 2022

Been listening to my wife talk about her work drama and I’m trying to think of the best way to let her know I love her but I think I’m on Denise’s side on this one.

— The Dad (@thedad) October 18, 2022