Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

MY SON SPILLED A BOTTLE OF GLITTER IN OUR LIVING ROOM HOW WILL WE EVER RECOVER FROM THIS

— Sravan Panuganti, DO, FACOS (@SPuro88) December 5, 2022

Overheard my 11 y/o daughter record her voicemail greeting: “Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail. When you hear the beep, hang up and send me a text.” This generation gets it.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 6, 2022

My son is arguing with my husband about a math problem. My husband is an engineer. My son is in 4th grade. The confidence is strong in this one.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 6, 2022

Took my kid to the zoo and his favourite animals were the stuffed ones in the zoo store

— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) December 6, 2022

It’s Kid Law that the day you buy it in bulk is the day they stop liking it

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 5, 2022

It’s easier to find Waldo than the scissors you just used when you are wrapping presents.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 6, 2022

10yo: Can I have a snack?

Me: No, you'll spoil your dinner

10yo: Ok… can I have an appetizer?

Me:

10yo:

Me: That's genius but still no

— The Dad (@thedad) December 5, 2022

My kid wanted to use her $2 to buy an iPad and I told her it’s not enough money and she said “well you bought a whole house when you didn’t have enough money” and now she’s grounded until I can think of a comeback

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 7, 2022

My kid is supposed to be in a wedding this weekend, so he's cut off a chunk of his own hair right on schedule

— meghan (@deloisivete) December 7, 2022

Marriage is all fun and games until one of you threatens to record the other sleeping so you can prove how loudly they were snoring

— Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) December 9, 2022

10-year-old: I'm warm.

Me: Really? I'm cold.

10: You shouldn't be. You have so much more body fat than me.

Thanks, kid.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2022

If you enjoy calming a screaming child who thought carpool involved swimming in cars then parenting might be for you

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 4, 2022

My wife and I wanted to go to a movie but it doesn't start until 5:30PM so we'll try another day when we won't be out all night.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) December 8, 2022

I’m sorry I texted you at 5 AM but in my defense you were the one who texted me at 11 PM.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 7, 2022

I tell the kids that if they ever get lost to just find an Amazon truck and follow it because there's a pretty good chance it's coming to our house.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 5, 2022

My 7yo had to measure something for her homework. My husband told her to measure our dog. My 7yo, "it said to measure an object. He's not an object! He's a person!"

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 6, 2022

There needs to be a Christmas song about breaking down Amazon boxes.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 8, 2022

There are few things more satisfying than beating other parents to the class party sign up and getting plates and napkins

— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) December 9, 2022

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

— Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) December 5, 2022

The leading cause for getting absolutely nothing done is children.

— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) December 8, 2022