20 Funny and Relatable Tweets For Some Midweek Laughs

Making new friends as an adult is hard because the people I’d get along best with are the ones that also don’t want to leave their house.

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) August 16, 2019

no matter how well I'm doing in life, I'm still gonna see what's up with that clearance rack

— 🌸 Digi Gal (@DigitalGal_) November 16, 2023

4yo: Mom found this house and no one was home there, so we just went in.

Him: You… just went in?

4yo: Yeah. Just looked around at their stuff.

(A museum. I took them to a museum.)

— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) January 29, 2022

I'm really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. Like I'm really glad you can see 92 miles ahead but the rest of us are blind now.

— Ron Sullivan (@ChefRonSullivan) December 10, 2020

When I miss my parents I put 12 expired salad dressings in my fridge and it feels like home

— Cara Weinberger (@caraweinberger) January 14, 2019

I refuse to bookmark a website. I will simply use the far more logical system of keeping 400 tabs open on 32 browser windows until my computer crashes and I can finally be free.

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 8, 2022

I hate it when I go out in public and the public be there.

— VEREM (@Veremthegreat) September 20, 2023

I thought the CVS guy was going to ask me to join the rewards program but he said "enjoy your night" so I said "not today, thanks" and left.

— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) September 1, 2017

Me getting my photo taken: This is going to look great

Me looking at the photo: This is the worst photo I’ve ever seen

Me looking at the photo 10 years later: Damn I look great

— Andrew Schiavone (@aschiavone) May 26, 2021

Me: Why is my skin so dry?

Also me:
[sets shower temp to “active volcano”]

— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) January 4, 2023

Have never identified more with anyone than I just did with the woman who walked into the grocery store in front of me, shook her head, said “I can’t be making these kinds of decisions today” and walked right back out

— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 31, 2023

[Putting the exact same task on my weekly to-do list for the 16th week in a row] maybe this time

— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) December 27, 2023

The creator of ikea was like “how can I make furniture that can break up a relationship?”

— Andrew Schiavone (@aschiavone) January 11, 2021

And to my great grandchildren, I leave my box of assorted cables

— karanbir singh 🫶 (@karanbirtinna) March 26, 2024

You’re not living your best parenting life until you’ve launched a toy out the front door to stop your kids from fighting over it.

— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) December 4, 2017

Wait how did jobs work before email… like did you just get home from work and… work was over ?

— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) March 5, 2023

Just refilling my kids’ water bottles for the third time today and thinking about how I didn’t drink a glass of water my entire childhood.

— Cereal on the Floor (@cerealonfloor) July 19, 2021

Me to pregnant friend: Instead of practicing on a doll, I recommend you try to bathe, diaper, and swaddle a cat.

Friend: [exaggerated eye roll]

***6 months later***

Friend: Why didn’t anyone prepare me for reality?

Me: … [whispers] meow.

— InsoMOMniac (@insoMOMniac) October 13, 2018

What we really need is wider and shorter plates of nachos. No more tall towers of chips and toppings.

Spread the toppings across a larger area and cover all the chips, not just the top layer.

Stand with me.

— JRGin (@GinRumMe) November 1, 2019

When I was a kid my mom made us “chocolate soup” once and gave it to us in a bowl with a spoon and it was such an amazing treat and like 20 years later I realized it was just hot chocolate and all the cups were dirty.

— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 18, 2022