If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
garlic is to cooking as vanilla extract is to baking in that the amount i add to my food is guided by reckless extravagance and utter disregard, verging on mild contempt, for the recipe as written
— small nuclear ribonucleoprotein (snurp) (@haragoochie) April 12, 2021
#2
no matter how well I'm doing in life, I'm still gonna see what's up with that clearance rack
— 🌸 Digi Gal (@DigitalGal_) November 16, 2023
#3
4yo: Mom found this house and no one was home there, so we just went in.
— Renée Agatep (@GoingByRenee) January 29, 2022
Him: You… just went in?
4yo: Yeah. Just looked around at their stuff.
(A museum. I took them to a museum.)
#4
I'm really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. Like I'm really glad you can see 92 miles ahead but the rest of us are blind now.
— Ron Sullivan (@ChefRonSullivan) December 10, 2020
#5
When I miss my parents I put 12 expired salad dressings in my fridge and it feels like home
— Cara Weinberger (@caraweinberger) January 14, 2019
#6
I refuse to bookmark a website. I will simply use the far more logical system of keeping 400 tabs open on 32 browser windows until my computer crashes and I can finally be free.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) March 8, 2022
#7
I think I’m pretty smart until I’m asked to tap to pay for something- here? where? here? do it again? did that work?
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) March 5, 2024
#8
I thought the CVS guy was going to ask me to join the rewards program but he said "enjoy your night" so I said "not today, thanks" and left.
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) September 1, 2017
#9
Me getting my photo taken: This is going to look great
— Andrew Schiavone (@aschiavone) May 26, 2021
Me looking at the photo: This is the worst photo I’ve ever seen
Me looking at the photo 10 years later: Damn I look great
#10
My friend said she couldn’t wait to have kids so I went over, ate all her snacks & complained because they were in the wrong color bowl. I stayed way too late, did lame cartwheels, unrolled an entire toilet paper roll, hyped her dog up, & left with her TV remote in my purse.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 5, 2019
#11
Have never identified more with anyone than I just did with the woman who walked into the grocery store in front of me, shook her head, said “I can’t be making these kinds of decisions today” and walked right back out
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) August 31, 2023
#12
[Putting the exact same task on my weekly to-do list for the 16th week in a row] maybe this time
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) December 27, 2023
#13
The creator of ikea was like “how can I make furniture that can break up a relationship?”
— Andrew Schiavone (@aschiavone) January 11, 2021
#14
Last month I did the unthinkable and finally threw out that box of unloved cables that I've dragged with me through adulthood.
— Lemuel Lyes (@LemuelLyes) March 28, 2022
Today I realised that I needed one of them and have no idea how to find a replacement.
CONSIDER THIS A WARNING TO YOU ALL
#15 I had a hand in some toys getting permanently “lost” when my kids were little…
You’re not living your best parenting life until you’ve launched a toy out the front door to stop your kids from fighting over it.
— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) December 4, 2017
#16
Wait how did jobs work before email… like did you just get home from work and… work was over ?
— michaela okland (@MichaelaOkla) March 5, 2023
#17
all of my plans for the future involve me waking up tomorrow with a sudden sense of discipline and adherence to routine that i have never displayed even once in my life
— Rachel McCarthy James (@rmccarthyjames) October 21, 2020
#18
Me to pregnant friend: Instead of practicing on a doll, I recommend you try to bathe, diaper, and swaddle a cat.
— InsoMOMniac (@insoMOMniac) October 13, 2018
Friend: [exaggerated eye roll]
***6 months later***
Friend: Why didn’t anyone prepare me for reality?
Me: … [whispers] meow.
#19
What we really need is wider and shorter plates of nachos. No more tall towers of chips and toppings.
— JRGin (@GinRumMe) November 1, 2019
Spread the toppings across a larger area and cover all the chips, not just the top layer.
Stand with me.
#20
When I was a kid my mom made us “chocolate soup” once and gave it to us in a bowl with a spoon and it was such an amazing treat and like 20 years later I realized it was just hot chocolate and all the cups were dirty.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 18, 2022