The women of Twitter never fail to make me laugh with funny and relatable quips.
Here’s a quick little round-up of some of my favorite tweets from women this week.
Hope these help you start the weekend off with some smiles!
Janene
#1
Made friends w a child at the stingray tank at the aquarium, we were equally apprehensive ab touching the stingrays & then he said “I’ve been here before for school” & I said “wow, is it just like you remember it?” & he pointed to one specific stingray & said “yeah he was here”
— maddie, hot dog enthusiast (@damnitmadeline) May 31, 2024
#2
I've been watching ER and was like "wow they never wrap up any storyline. How unique. It must be to reflect how it really feels to be an ER doc, you never know what happens to your patients." Anyway, just realized 5 eps in Hulu was cutting episodes off 7 minutes early.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) May 31, 2024
#3
the way they’re selling paper towels should be illegal you can’t just keep writing 6 paper towel rolls are 14 paper towel rolls I’m sick of being jerked around
— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) May 26, 2024
#4
losing friends left and right to the pickleball epidemic
— maha (@mahaaaay) May 26, 2024
#5
Ten 13 year old girls are here for my daughter's birthday party.
— Catherine McNiel ☕📚🌱 (@CatherineMcNiel) June 1, 2024
She asked for a record player for her present, and records.
She just opened the first album…and ten girls yelled "WAIT THERE ARE LYRICS PRINTED HERE."
They couldn't even believe it.
#6
I don’t think adults should have to work in summertime either. we should be outside playing kickball
— sarah slothanova (@slothanova) May 28, 2024
#7
I didn't actually *ask* for an AI assistant on every app and website
— clair with the "esq" (@nastywomanatlaw) May 30, 2024
#8
Science has yet to explain why sandwiches taste better when someone else makes them.
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) May 31, 2024
#9
Never ask an introvert to share a fun fact about themselves, it’s very offensive in their culture
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 31, 2024
#10
If you’re a manufacturer of sports bras or women’s bathing suits, I’m begging you: sew the pads in or just don’t include them. I’m tired.
— stangle’s kid (@stangleskid) May 27, 2024
#11
Eating a salad for lunch is good if you want to feel healthy and smug for the first hour and then filled with hangry rage for the next three.
— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) May 25, 2024
#12
Turning middle aged should come with a complimentary gift basket filled with ibuprofen, BENGAY, readers, a bird feeder, and a gift card to a home improvement store.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) May 31, 2024
#13
I could be productive or I could rub my dog’s little tummy and say “look at dis tummy” I am still deciding on my course of action but it will probably be the tummy thing
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) May 24, 2024
#14
give it to me straight doc what can i do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) May 29, 2024
#15
Sometimes I think I’m dying and then I just remember I’m a 35 year old that went to bed too late
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 29, 2024
#16
my brother lost the costco membership in his divorce and had to get a new membership and is currently presenting paperwork to the costco people to prove he’s been a member since before may 2024 because he wants his “true” membership tenure on his card
— . (@xtyna_) May 27, 2024
#17
Me: I’m here for my pelvic ultrasound.
— Mariah, MD (@pagingdrsank) May 30, 2024
Receptionist: Your total will be $450 after insurance.🙂
Me *kindly*: I will not be paying that amount🙂
R: Are you sure? We can do a payment plan.
Me: *whispers* Maam I’m an OBGYN. I’ll do my own US before I pay that.
R: That’s fair 🤣
#18
leaving the house. https://t.co/VpYEMarzds
— Jenni (@hashjenni) May 26, 2024
#19
— MicheleWojciechowski (@TheMicheleWojo) May 30, 2024
#20
I told some friends yesterday that I was going to make seven-layer magic cookie bars and one of my friends said, "oh I can't make those bc if I do I will eat them until I'm sick" and privately I was like haha well that will not happen unto ME and now it is today and guess what
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 31, 2024