Another week and and another round of funny and relatable tweets from parents!
Here are some of my favorite quips from this week.
Wishing you all a great weekend!
Janene
#1
Took a 4-hour zoo trip that left the adults feeling like sun-dried tomatoes. Came home for naptime, after which all three children asked, earnestly, “What are we going to do today??” 10/10 no notes
— Shannon Sanders (@ShandersWrites) May 27, 2024
#2
My 3yo was so excited to go to his first yard sale! He had $1 to spend on a toy and carefully chose a large plastic shark head. I was relieved it wasn't something messy! When we got home we discovered it was actually a toy carrier and there were THIRTY miniature sharks inside. 😑
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 26, 2024
#3
My dad spent the entire weekend trying to teach my sister how to drive. After countless near-misses, he calmly says, 'So, have you considered public transport as a long-term option?' 😂😭
— BadMan Cyph (@SteveCypha) May 27, 2024
#4
whenever flight attendants are like, "if you have to assist a young child with an oxygen mask, put yours on first", i just think about how my child would scream at me, "NO MOMMY, I DO IT!!!!!!"
— emily may (@emilykmay) May 26, 2024
#5
3yo (confidently): But Mommy, people do not eat cows.
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 27, 2024
Me: Uh, bud, we do. Hamburgers are made of cow.
3yo (uncertain laughter): Mommy, that is funny for pretend. But I mean for REAL.
Me: Yes, for real!
3yo (w/ scorn) No.
Me: What do you think burgers are made of?
3yo: People?
😶
#6
I can't prove he's involved (yet), but my 3yo has been obsessing over tow trucks for weeks and today we blew a tire 🧐 on nothing 🧐 for no reason 🧐
— sarah (@sarahradz_) May 28, 2024
#7
No one is full of more false hope than a parent with a new chore chart.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 29, 2024
#8
We forgot to ask our waiter to water down the girls apple juice. Riley stopped the waiter to tell him he gave her honey not apple juice. Lmao
— Supernova Momma (@SupernovaMomma) May 30, 2024
#9
took my 6 yr old to the bathroom
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 26, 2024
at a friend’s yesterday & she looked around & said “wow…..this bathroom is so pretty & shiny” & then she wiped & was like “mom you HAVE to try this toilet paper; it’s so thick and soft!!!!!” and long story short my kid just discovered wealth 😭
#10
I have three kids: a 14-year-old, an 11-year-old, and an imaginary child who is actually to blame for everything the other two get accused of.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 28, 2024
#11
I had high hopes and dreams for major accomplishments this year but my 6yo is still telling me her story.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 29, 2024
#12
My daughter got to pack her own lunch for the last day of school and it included a donut, 2 bags of chips, a shaker of sprinkles, and 1 tiny baby carrot because “it’s important to be healthy”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) May 30, 2024
#13
My 8 yr old walked into the movies and reversed her hoodie so she could fill the hood with popcorn like a trough. She’s a life coach now.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) May 28, 2024
#14
Today my kids lives were ruined when they found out I’ve been refilling the Froot Loops box with the great value brand for the last 5 months pic.twitter.com/EtQ3Cg8eWG
— PieGuy (@ilovepie84) May 30, 2024
#15
my kid loves cupcakes and hates most other foods (won’t even try it) so tonight I baked dinner in a cupcake tin and he’s eating it because he thinks it’s cupcakes and this is a huge win in my book
— Kayla, MD (@kaylamellis_) May 28, 2024
#16
Sign # 1274 I'm raising little lawyers:
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) May 28, 2024
My 6yo stood on the back porch, with the backdoor open, loudly blowing a whistle at me in the kitchen, in clear compliance of our "No blowing whistles while inside the house" rule.
#17
Crazy — my son was looking for a book on our bookshelves, so he took an iPhone picture of the whole shelves (hundreds of books) and then searched for the book’s title in his photos.
— Bill Wasik (@billwasik) May 29, 2024
#18
We were having a good time after our movie night when my 7yo sat on the couch and closed her eyes. I asked what she was doing. With her eyes still closed, "I'm making a memory."
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 30, 2024
#19
A cool thing about parenting little kids is that you can be trying to make a left turn into intense, aggressive traffic with poor visibility and still be required to sing at the top of your lungs, "THE ANTS GO MARCHING SIX BY SIX, HURRAH, HURRAH"
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) May 31, 2024
#20
My 4-year-old uses the word “human” instead of “person,” like she’ll say “there’s a human at the door,” and for some reason it makes everything so much creepier.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 31, 2024
#21
We’re going out to eat downtown tonight. I’ve been researching parking garages in the area for a month
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 25, 2024
#22
Me: *all four burners going, two pots boiling over, oven beeping, being burned by grease splatter*
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 31, 2024
8yo: Mom!! You’re not even watching my cartwheel!
#23
10: Mom what’s this?
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 29, 2024
Me: a Time Machine. pic.twitter.com/7CamUMiywx
#24
My son was sitting like this at dinner and we kept asking if he was ok. Thought he might be tired, then started worrying he was upset or not feeling well. Reader, he was READING. He is SNEAKING BOOKS 😍 pic.twitter.com/p7PWsscTfs
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) May 28, 2024
#25
i told her she can grab herself something to drink 🤣🤣 i forgot she don’t know how to read 😭😭😩 pic.twitter.com/b95bflcl9d
— 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐘☆𝐍 (@blackhautte) May 27, 2024