Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
I think we can all agree, the person that created the Skip Intro button is the true hero.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) May 17, 2019
#2
Adulting involves using the phone’s flashlight a lot more than I had anticipated
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 19, 2024
#3
Can you imagine if adults introduced themselves to strangers like a four-year-old does?
— Katie Sawade Hall (@bluesawadeshoes) January 26, 2024
"Hi, I'm Katie. I'm 38. Do you have any friends? I like coffee and 19th century British literature. You are really bald."
#4
me: finally getting eight hours of sleep
— Jenni (@hashjenni) January 20, 2024
my neck: yeah but u did it wrong lol
#5
I love when you hand a dog a treat and they are like, thanks, I'll be having this in the other room. Excuse me.
— Kelly Collette (@KellyCollette) January 11, 2018
#6
I was introduced to a baby recently by her parents; the mother told me “she doesn’t do anything, or know anything”
— Adrizzle🇵🇸 (@36_chambuhz) May 22, 2024
#7
Don’t think I’ll be able to top meeting 4 dachshunds called Gary, Steve, Kevin and Dave in the park a couple of weeks ago, but I just met 2 schnauzer puppies called Sandra and Denise, which came a close second.
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) April 30, 2024
#8
I do not want to be warm I want to be cold and then made warm by a blanket why is this difficult to understand
— feminist next door (@emrazz) September 26, 2021
#9
Reoccurring dreams be like
— Marl (@Marlebean) April 23, 2024
'I dunno, here's a rerun'
#10
I love joining a class action lawsuit. Hell yeah I've been wronged. Justice needs to be served. A surprise check for $26 in 6 years will make it right
— alexandra (@bigmoodenergy) January 23, 2024
#11
Well, I don't know what the medical term is, but I've reached the point in the menopause where I've just bought a recorder and intend to learn "Scarborough Fair."
— Caitlin Moran (@caitlinmoran) February 26, 2024
#12
The way I act when I have to line my wheel up at the car wash you would think I'm trying to land a 747 on a tightrope.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 23, 2024
#13
Midwest nice is putting your paper plate upside down in the trash at the BBQ so you don’t offend whoever made the stuff you didn’t eat pic.twitter.com/p6e7ruCskh
— Midwest vs. Everybody (@midwestern_ope) May 26, 2024
#14
I filled my gas tank tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow morning. I will wake up my own hero.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2020
#15
You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me."
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) May 19, 2024
Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."
#16
no one ever tells you how often you'll whisper "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to yourself as an adult and they really should
— Lane Moore🔮 (@hellolanemoore) February 21, 2021
#17
I asked my wife to share her queen sized blanket to which she replied she was a queen and therefore the blanket was already at max capacity
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 1, 2020
#18
Whenever I catch a whiff of Auntie Anne’s cinnamon sugar pretzel bites in the mall I get lifted up off of my feet and float towards the shop like a cartoon character smelling a pie on a windowsill
— buttball (@imniceandsmart) January 27, 2024
#19
Me watching a film
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) September 17, 2022
1. Start watching
2. Wonder what I’ve seen one of the actors in before
3. Google actor
4. Go to IMDb/their Wikipedia page
5. Find out every detail of their entire life
6. Realise I’ve completely missed the plot of the film and have no idea what’s going on
#20
— Papa Woof und Krampus und Bleaken (@woofknight) May 24, 2024