Every week I peruse the internet for the funniest, most relatable quips from women.
Here are the ones that had us laughing the most in 2024.
Wishing you all the best this holiday season. Hope you’ll stick around for more laughs in 2025!
Janene
#1
Did you know that you can put donation stuff in your car and then drive them directly to the Goodwill and not drive around with them for months?
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) January 24, 2024
#2
My mom once told me, “there are some wrinkles you can’t get out in the dryer. You need an iron.” Today I needed an iron. I wish I could tell her.
— The Madwoman in the Classroom (@heymrsbond) February 22, 2024
My mom is very much alive and we live in the same house. I just completely refuse to let her know she was right about an iron.
#3
Jessie’s Girl was released 43 years ago so if she’s still watching him with those eyes, she’s got readers on. I just know it.
— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) March 2, 2024
#4
Whenever I catch a whiff of Auntie Anne’s cinnamon sugar pretzel bites in the mall I get lifted up off of my feet and float towards the shop like a cartoon character smelling a pie on a windowsill
— Ania (@imniceandsmart) January 27, 2024
#5
I always used to wonder why middle-aged women were so angry all the time. Now I'm a middle-aged woman and I'm like oh this is why
— sarah (@sarahradz_) March 29, 2024
#6
just seen a tiktok where this girl asked her bf for pads with wings so he got her pads & 36 chicken wings 💀
— kait 🍄 (@mushr00mbabe) February 9, 2024
#7
there’s a guy on this street near me with a parmesan stand (a bunch of giant wheels of parmesan that he cuts and weighs out and prices accordingly) and his sales approach is to wave a small piece of parmesan at approaching women and i am embarrassed to say that it works
— “paula” (@paularambles) March 28, 2024
#8
I got IDd last night, but as I was rummaging around in my purse for my ID, the dude saw my checkbook and said "nevermind" 😭😒🤣 FIRST OF ALL
— Khadijah A. Robinson (@dijadontneedya) April 12, 2024
#9
lol – getting pizza slice and the guy in front of me (trying to banter with the cashier) is like “you made mine with extra love right” and the cashier very solemnly and Eastern European accentedly said “it’s made with normal amount pepperoni”
— 🔎Al🔍 (@SweatieAngle) April 12, 2024
#10
As a kid I thought u only got ur period once and after that u were fertile til menopause so when I got my 1st period I was like “oof well at least that’s over with!” And then my mom informed me it would be a monthly recurrence for the next 30+ yrs and I fell to my knees screaming
— Keara Sullivan (@superkeara) March 14, 2024
#11
Imagine finding your soul mate and then finding out that they back into parking spots.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) April 15, 2024
#12
I’ve officially rescheduled my wedding to 2026… such a difficult decision but it’s for the best due to due my schedule and the current climate. It will also give me more time to find the person I’m marrying so I guess it works out.
— B 💋 (@raysofberry) April 23, 2024
#13
It's amazing how much I accomplish around the house under the threat of someone coming over
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) January 18, 2024
#14
had an urge to email a professor from film school & share how much he meant to me but I was like “oh man he was OLD back then, he’s probably dead now!” so I looked him up to confirm his death & not only is he still alive, he still teaches at that school & he is FIFTY-FIVE HAHAHA
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 28, 2024
#15
Some people "Oh no. AI is taking over"
— Rae's a little hell🇨🇦 (@omgshuddup) February 19, 2024
My robot vacuum: "Help i'm stuck in a corner"
#16
The way I act when I have to line my wheel up at the car wash you would think I'm trying to land a 747 on a tightrope.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 23, 2024
#17
My kid wanted to know what we did on sick days when we were kids so I played an old episode of The Price Is Right and followed it up with an old episode of The Young and the Restless.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) March 23, 2024
#18
why does my chipotle app need me to have a password with a capital letter and a number and a special character like this is not the department of defense i just want a burrito 😭
— emily may (@emilykmay) May 11, 2024
#19
I had to update my driver’s license photo at the DMV and I complained that I looked terrible in it and the guy said, “Lady, that’s literally exactly what you look like” and now my day is ruined.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) May 8, 2024
#20
I would do literally anything to lose 5 pounds right now except change my diet or increase my exercise.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) April 21, 2024
#21
Nothing quite like looking at the way someone else has loaded the dishwasher to remind you that the mind of another is truly unknowable
— 🍃 (@cardamomkiss) June 6, 2024
#22
Didn't realize how few perks we have at the office til I said "we're allowed to listen to the radio on Friday!" to a new hire in a way that can be likened to a girl of 12 saying "I got an orange for Christmas!" as her papa lay dying of gangrene after the Battle of Fredericksburg
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) June 18, 2024
#23
sometimes when I don’t want to pay the $100 therapy copay I go to my friend’s house and talk extra loud until her husband who’s working on his psych PhD goes “do you mind if I say something”
— faith (@faithnation) May 15, 2024
#24
hate when my husband gives me some crazy directions like “i’m in the south west corner” it’s a costco parking lot i have no idea where i even am let alone what you mean by south or west
— amil (@amil) May 11, 2024
#25
Before my parents married, my mom got cold feet because she couldn’t cook. She said one night, “It will never work. I can’t cook!!”
— Jennifer Begakis (@jenbegakis) July 5, 2024
My Greek dad said calmly, “You can cook five things, no?”
Mom, “Yeah..”
Dad, “Great, we’ll go out to dinner on weekends.”
#26
To the lady in the black BMW who stuck up two fingers at me after I beeped at her when pulling out of Waitrose car park just now:
— Julie (@julhat) August 12, 2024
Your Louis Vuitton handbag probably isn't on your car roof anymore.
#27
Wednesday evening giggle..
— karen thompson (@karenfthompson) August 7, 2024
My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old.
Me: that's not that old, I have sheets older than that.
Mother: well perhaps your sheets aren't getting as much action as our coffee machine.
I'm going to need an ambulance.
🤣🤣🤣
#28
I just got a text from the hospital to confirm my appointment and let me know that they were changing it to a virtual visit.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 24, 2024
My appointment is for a colonoscopy.
#29
Apologies to our waitress Amy who said to my dad, “wanna box for the leftovers?” and he replied, “no, but I’ll wrestle you for them” hope we tipped enough
— Cooper Lawrence (@CooperLawrence) July 7, 2024
#30
Today I went to the bank and asked if they had an atm. The guy said they had a drive thru. I said oh I walked here. He said that’s fine. I had to wait in line behind a car like this 🧍🏻♀️
— naomi (@lachancenaomi27) August 26, 2024
#31
Lady behind me on this @delta flight is complaining to the stewardess because they made her check her bag and there’s a ton of room.
— Melissa Perri (@lissijean) August 19, 2024
Her husband to the stewardess: “you know she went to college with the CEO of Delta”
Stewardess: “You should have kept in touch.”
💀
#32
Spotify opened at work and I forgot my air pods at home and Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy (1941) began to play on max volume I'd rather it have been porn they're calling me Gladys
— McErin☘️ (@colleen_eileen) September 18, 2024
#33
Mad as hell to report that reading a paperback book the hour before bed instead of scrolling on my phone has significantly improved my sleep quality.
— Meg (@megannn_lynne) September 18, 2024
#34
My husband had a coworker who entered his baby in the local fair's baby competition a while ago and I think they just make up superlatives for all of the babies because his won "sturdiest baby"
— 🍃 (@cardamomkiss) October 12, 2024
#35
I ran into one of my students at the grocery store with some wine in my cart and he said “that’s because of us isn’t it?”
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) September 27, 2024
#36
When I was 7, I fell out the bed twice. It was a twin & my mom was like, “if you keep falling out the bed we’re gonna have to get you a bigger bed.” For two weeks straight, I woke up extra early before school & would lay out on the floor. My dad then got me a queen sized bed.
— Niccoya (@niccoyat) September 28, 2024
#37
why do supermarkets have cheese in so many places, here’s the fancy cheese, here’s the ok cheese, here’s the auxiliary cheese display like please..no more riddles
— laura vincent (@HungryandFrozen) May 4, 2024
#38
thinking about the time i ran into my brother serendipitously on the streets of manhattan and he said hi and kept walking like we were in a hallway in our house
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) November 14, 2024
#39
On my way home from work, I ran after this bus. I ran so hard people started cheering me on, & the bus driver waited for me. When I hopped on the bus, everyone started clapping.
— I Am Huwa (@heyhuwahere) October 30, 2024
I was 5 seconds in when I realised it was going the wrong way 🥹. I waited 3 stops before getting off.
