20 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves people I don’t know or parallel parking.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 17, 2023

Clothing: hand wash only

Me, tossing it into the washer: may the odds be ever in your favor

— Meredith Ireland (@MeredithIreland) August 15, 2023

I just got a cramp from scrolling to my birth year.

— L(assitude) (@lmwortho) August 18, 2023

It’s nearly that time of year where I put away my summer sweatpants and pull out my fall sweatpants

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 14, 2023

when i was in school i was doing my french speaking exam and i started crying cause i literally couldn't do it and my french teacher said 'it's okay you're not the worst, the girl before you answered the questions in english with a french accent' and i could not breathe omg

— hazel (@hazelrosedee) August 16, 2023

It’s not truly a junk drawer until you have a bag of rubber bands, keys that fit no lock in your house, instructions for things you no longer own, a half-used tube of super glue, pens with questionable utility, and at least five likely dead AA batteries.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 13, 2023

Part of every vacation is spent on Zillow seeing if you can afford to live there.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 15, 2023

as an adult, my most cherished friendships are those with a shared passion for canceling plans

— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) August 15, 2023

I found out today that my son’s new teacher was in 3rd grade in 2007, and nothing has ever hurt my feelings this much

— Lindsay Fickas (@lindsayfickas) August 17, 2023

Google Maps is unparalleled in its ability to ruin the best part of a song

— 𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗹𝘆𝗸𝗲 (@im_all_id) August 12, 2023

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying.

Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

— Rachel (@RachelNoise) August 18, 2023

*wears the sports bra*

“Okay that’s enough workout for today”

— Mad Hatter Mommy!!! (@MadHatterMommy) August 13, 2023

leaving a group chat is the most dramatic thing you can do

— alana (@slowdaysfast) August 17, 2023

My neighbor just stopped by unannounced. Of course the house is a mess. So thinking quickly I grabbed my steam mop and opened the door and explained I was just in the middle of cleaning. She left and I went back to watching my murder mystery. Follow me for more cleaning tips.

— Misty D Sunshine 🇺🇸☀️🇺🇦🌻💙🏳️‍🌈✊🏿 (@CocoChewy1) August 16, 2023

Growing up, I always borrowed my parents luggage for long trips and it was 10-15 years old and I didn’t understand why we didn’t just get new rolling suitcases and now I know it’s bc rolling suitcases are in that category of things I cannot believe are so expensive. Like lamps.

— emily (@emilykmay) August 13, 2023

I am no longer PANICKING at the DISCO

I am SCREAMING inside a dimly lit JOANNE FABRICS

— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) August 14, 2023

at my age i can send a text at 11:32 and be asleep at 11:32:19

— purple (@prplexi) August 14, 2023

In college this boy I liked asked me to lunch and also to go to the laundromat. So I went and brought my laundry. It was a great date. Weeks later he was at my apartment and said, “Hey! When did you get this washer/dryer?” And I said, “Oh I’ve always had that.”

He married me.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) August 17, 2023

Italian couple fighting in front of me and the guy is holding two ice creams so the girl can move her hands around while shouting

— mariana (@pastapilled) August 18, 2023

Thank you Milwaukee airport for accurately naming that place right after you get through security. pic.twitter.com/EcMsIDMXxQ

— Kim Severson (@kimseverson) August 17, 2023