If you’re feeling like it’s already been a long week, take a little humor break with these 20 tweets that made me laugh.
Wishing you a good rest of the week!
Janene
#1
Whenever I scold my cat, I use the royal “we” so she doesn’t feel so ashamed. “We don’t eat that. We don’t chew on electrical cords,” I say. It’s as if I, too, have a problem with eating wires or plastic I found on the floor and she and I are working on the problem together.
— -MINTIE- HitokaYachi CEO of Anxiety (@BINI_Yachi) June 21, 2021
#2
One of my signature moves is to take a pill quickly and wonder two seconds later if I took the pill.
— Julio, Marc's Imaginary Pet Monkey (@MonkeysMarch) January 19, 2025
#3
I fixed my grandma’s phone (took it off vibrate) and she told everybody that I’m a computer scientist 😭
— Léon (@LC_623) June 6, 2021
#4
it would be so cool to look hot with a middle part instead of looking like a young colonial man running late for his blacksmith apprenticeship
— kenzi (@kenzianidiot) January 14, 2024
#5
I bet that farmer who named his dog Bingo never expected a lot of hoopla about it.
— Brock (@Brock_Teee) January 30, 2025
#6
When the chip breaks off in the dip you have to go back with another chip for the rescue mission.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) February 14, 2024
#7
I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how I hurt my finger before I remembered that my kid put a bandaid on it for no reason
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) April 23, 2021
#8
My wife leaving for Pilates every Thursday morning for the last two years: I’m leaving.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 23, 2020
Me: Where’re you going?
#9
[ER]
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) September 12, 2023
Doctor: How did you sprain your ankle?
Me: I rolled it during a marathon.
Doctor: That’s really impressive.
Husband: She tripped trying to beat a family to a food truck.
#10
Men look so amazing for people who use the same product for their teeth, hair, floor and car washing.
— Maddy 🌨️ (@MadHatterMommy) February 12, 2024
#11
A random kid just knocked on my door because – he said and I quote “I smelled cake”. And I get him.
— Maddy 🌨️ (@MadHatterMommy) April 19, 2024
#12
One day I will be able to wash a ladle and not end up covered in water, but today is not that day
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 2, 2022
#13
My mom downloaded Uber and ordered a ride for the first time. She's 66, she's never done it, and I'm proud of her!
— Jordan Emmons (@joremmons) September 15, 2023
I was less proud to learn that in the process she accidentally signed up to become an Uber driver.
💀💀💀
#14
I remember when I tried journaling to stop oversharing with my friends. I wrote like 3 times then read the entries to them😭😭
— anita (@anita4real__) July 2, 2024
#15
Now that vehicles can drive themselves, it's just a matter of time until we have a country song about a truck leaving a cowboy.
— RUTH BUZZI (@Ruth_A_Buzzi) January 27, 2024
#16
Why can't medications have positive side effects? Like "may make everything you eat taste like chocolate cake" or "may make you remember why you walked into that room the first time".
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) February 18, 2024
#17
so funny when recipe writers are like “this is a perfect one for those days when you have NOTHING in your fridge. so you’re gonna start with some leftover pulled pork”
— charlie (@chunkbardey) January 4, 2022
#18
Dear gas pumps, nobody is going inside to see the cashier. Ever.
— Eric (@NotTodayEric) February 3, 2025
Just stop it.
#19
IRS: you owe us taxes
— greg (@greg16676935420) February 4, 2025
Me: how much do I owe?
IRS: you get to figure that out
Me: can I just pay what I want?
IRS: no we know exactly how much you owe but you have to guess the number too
Me: what if I guess wrong?
IRS: jail
Happy tax season!
#20
I (very passively) commented on how I liked the spoons at Benihanas to my mom and later she sends me this pic.twitter.com/w8gpMzhDug
— erin🌙 (@erinmhk) January 19, 2024
