20 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 5, 2023

We had a bit of an emergency earlier. The freezer was too full and so I had to finish off a pint of ice cream all by myself to make room. All better now.

— Peyton H. Roberts (@PeytonWrites) August 4, 2023

I've just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) August 7, 2023

I could never handle living in a minimalist space. where would I store my gadgets and gizmos aplenty? my whosits and whatsits galore? what about all twenty of my thingamabobs? it’s simply not realistic.

— Sarah McGonagall (@gothspiderbitch) August 7, 2023

My toxic trait is believing that I need a recovery day after any kind of social activity

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) August 9, 2023

(me to my doctor) if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all

— trash jones (@jzux) August 10, 2023

“Out for Delivery” just isn't enough. i need to know what street you on

— purple (@prplexi) August 10, 2023

Lifeguard is the weirdest job. Like hey, you’re 16 years old, make sure no one dies.

— Missy Baker (@TheMissyBaker) August 7, 2023

If you melt cheese on every single thing that you eat, you will be a much happier person.

— Stacey (@skittle624) August 8, 2023

Walking on the wild side used to include smoking, drinking, and staying out all night. Now, walking on the wild side consists of driving at night, sitting on the floor, or eating highly acidic foods after 5:00PM.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) August 7, 2023

me: do that thing i like

him: stops blocking the kitchen drawer i need to get into

— That Mom Tho 🐦 (@mom_tho) August 10, 2023

We need two-sided Christmas wrapping paper. One side: Christmas. Other side: Birthday.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 4, 2023

There’s too many song lyrics in my head to know math. Sorry.

— Kelly (@kelly__le) August 6, 2023

no one ever tells you how often you'll whisper "righty tighty, lefty loosey" to yourself as an adult and they really should

— Lane Moore📚 (@hellolanemoore) August 11, 2023

When I was a kid, I had a friend who named her cat Alex P. Kitten.

If you grew up in the 1980s, I’m counting on you to understand this.

— Jenny Mattern 📚 (@JEngelMattern) August 11, 2023

One time when І was a kid І yelled at my dad for sipping a pepsі while driving because І thought “don’t drink and drive” meant “don’t drink beverages and get distracted while driving.”

— gas statіon dream gіrl (@cheygoulet) August 10, 2023

Which is the hardest for you to say:
1. I love you
2. I’m sorry
3. I need help
4. Worcestershire
5. I appreciate you

— 𝕂𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕊𝕡𝕖𝕔𝕚𝕒𝕝𝕂🇦🇽 (@CallMeK1123) August 11, 2023

With the way grocery prices are going I’m going to need to learn to grow my own food. Does anyone which seeds I need to plant to get Doritos?

— Sam G (@ItsSamG) August 11, 2023

the worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute

— purple (@prplexi) August 7, 2023

When the Golden Girls first came out, these three characters' ages were 53-55.

I'm 53. 🤯 pic.twitter.com/a0loPI3R7y

— Heleen Kist_ author (@hkist) August 11, 2023