20 of the Best Tweets From Women This Week

Help.
A student just told me I was one of the top teachers of all time.

"There was a lady who taught Helen Keller how to read. You're right under her."

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

— LaToya Washington, M.Ed (@L_D_Washington) November 30, 2023

hey sorry i forgot your name already i was busy getting ready to say my name while you were saying your name

— trash jones (@jzux) November 27, 2023

Me putting my outfit together this morning (white top, tan colored sweater, brown leggings and boots): Oh, this is really cute.

6yo (looking me over as I greet my students coming into the classroom): Is that your s’more outfit?

— Michelle 🍎 (@michelleDbelle) November 28, 2023

The sound of connecting to dial-up internet just emanated from a distant corner of the coworking space.

All the millennials popped their heads up from their computers like a flock of prairie dogs being activated by a long-forgotten ancestral call.

— Sarah McAnulty, Ph.D (@SarahMackAttack) November 27, 2023

I’m amazed at women in their early 20s with full on skin care routines: serums, oils, anti-aging products. When I was that age I was using a bar of soap and some lotion I’d find in the bathroom that I’m not entirely sure was for your face. No wonder I look like this.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) November 28, 2023

Me: *spends 4 hours comparing gift prices on several sites to save $4*

Also Me: *spends $33 on pizza because I shopped too long to cook $6 chicken*

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 27, 2023

there should be a "take your friend to work day" so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories

— anu ☻ (@anuatluru) November 29, 2023

When I was a kid I could name all the states and capitals in alphabetical order and now I’m excited if I can name what I had for breakfast two days ago

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) November 29, 2023

my pug has 4 beds and takes medicine for his seasonal allergies just like his wolf ancestors

— kim (@KimmyMonte) December 2, 2023

I don't know what happens if you don't say 'cows' when you see cows while driving on the highway, but I am not about to find out.

— Patricia Correll (@Author_PCorrell) November 25, 2023

My flex is remembering to bring reusable bags and then leaving them in my car when I get to the market.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 27, 2023

What I was warned about as a kid:
*Strangers in vans
*Gum taking seven years to digest
*Quicksand

What I wasn't warned about as a kid:
*Arguing with a computer that I’m not a robot
*Being sad when my favorite spatula breaks
*Meeting a “pickleball influencer”

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 28, 2023

i drive home so quick after work like i’m late for the house

— M 🍓 (@babyariees) November 28, 2023

Accidentally bought unsalted tortilla chips so I might as well just eat this paper plate instead.

— It’s 𝘿𝙖𝙣𝙖, actually (@HourLongSauce) November 28, 2023

For some reason, I can never stop believing that when I take a pizza out of a 400° oven, it’s immediately ready for me to eat.

— Kelly (@kelly__le) November 28, 2023

Confession: I’m a money launderer. But in my defense who’s got the energy to check pockets before throwing clothes in the wash.

— Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38) November 28, 2023

My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December instead of taking all these decorations out

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 1, 2023

Me: I’m going to check my email and then go to bed.

Me, 15 minutes later: *googling how tall was Abe Lincoln*

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 28, 2023

Santa Clause has the right idea visit people only once a year, eat a snack and leave quickly.

— Christine Obert (@cdpsolutions1) November 30, 2023

There's so much destruction in the world that I want to start a thread of cool stuff people make that brings joy to them and others. I'll go first with my button dress: pic.twitter.com/j5xcNsM1dT

— Jen The Feisty Librarian (@Feisty_Waters) November 26, 2023