20 of the Best Tweets From Parents This Week

I told my 12yr old she wasn't allowed to make pancakes without supervision. So I come back and she's making crepes.

— MonsterKing (@CerromeRussell) October 7, 2023

My 3yo came home from school mad that one of the boys poked her in the eye. I asked if she talked to her teacher about it and she said yes, but the teacher didn’t have a chance to address it because then the boy fell out of his chair and broke both his arms. Unsure if lies.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 5, 2023

Child: I can't wait to be an adult.

Me [shaving my ears]: Yeah it's great.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 6, 2023

5YO: Mom, what’s three minus one?

Me: So if you had three gummy snacks and gave your brother one, how many would you have?

5YO: Three cuz I would not share with him

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) October 5, 2023

My 5 year old is going to be a witch for Halloween. But she doesn't want to wear a hat. No wig, either. The black dress? Too itchy. Oh, and she's not down with green makeup. The only part of the costume she likes is the broom. My 5 year old is going to be a janitor for Halloween.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 5, 2023

Potty training the baby is backfiring. Now she waits by the door when I use the bathroom and as soon as she hears the toilet flush, she yells, "Good girl!!"

— Trey (@treydayway) October 6, 2023

On the train with my son and we pass a lovely field with lots of cows. "Look, cows!", I say excitedly, before remembering he is 17 and we are off to visit a university 😳

— natalie perera (@natalieperera1) October 7, 2023

Officially graduated to the next level of motherhood after finding my first rock in the washing machine today

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) October 7, 2023

Today a little girl at kindergarten drop off kept trying to chat with my kiddo, who kept walking off. I told her “he doesn’t really talk just yet” and she said “I know, but you have to try.”

Anyhow. The kids are alright.

🥹

— Eric Smith (@ericsmithrocks) October 5, 2023

My 6yo was telling us about this girl from school who is kinda mean. In the middle of the convo, my 6yo, "she broke her arm in kindergarten because someone pushed her off the slide!" My 7yo without skipping a beat, "no wonder she went bad."

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) October 2, 2023

Lady at the farmers market selling us a hay bale to decorate our yard: just so you know, it’s going to get your car really messy

My 3yo: That’s ok because our car is already really messy

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 6, 2023

Toddler: “Daddy, I need to tell you the truth about how I spilled the cheese in the fridge. It was me. I did it. I was going to eat it all so it wasn’t spilled but I have a little tummy. When I get bigger I will eat it all and the fridge will be clean again. Be patient, okay?”🥹

— Barlow Adams (@BarlowAdams) October 5, 2023

My daughter wrote a story titled “my mom loves coke” but didn’t clarify it was the soda and now I’m nervous for parent-teacher conferences

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 1, 2023

Stages of a quick trip to Costco:

1. I need only one thing.
2. I need a shopping cart.
3. I need help loading this in my car.
4. I need a bigger car.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 3, 2023

Don’t have kids if you’re not a morning person. At 7:45am I had to break up a fight because my daughter made a human out of clothes and her brother ran in and attacked it and she kept screaming “HE RUINED MY HUMAN OF CLOTHES” and it was so early.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) October 4, 2023

If you’re wondering what parenting is like, my 4-year-old just threw a tantrum and told me to go away and then threw a second tantrum because I went away.

— The Dad (@thedad) October 2, 2023

Wow have times changed. My 10yo helpfully attached a QR code to her Christmas wishlist. pic.twitter.com/EniUx5Yk7o

— Danae Hudlow (@danae_hudlow) October 6, 2023

Today my 3 year old is very upset because he doesn’t want a spine

— Kyle Swanson (@kiswanson) October 7, 2023

My 2yo is having a meltdown bc I won’t eat a raw onion like an apple and he wants me to

— emily (@emilykmay) October 5, 2023