20 of the Best Tweets From Parents This Week

Huge shout out to the parent who gifted my kid a whistle, can’t wait for your child’s birthday

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 15, 2023

The fridge beeped at my 5yo because he left the door open too long deciding what to eat, and he yelled back IT’S AN EMERGENCY OK

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 13, 2023

My 2yo, Miguel, had taken off his diaper at some point during his nap and when I walked in and saw it on the floor, he looked at me and said: “WHY’D YOU DO THAT, MIGUEL?????”

— emily (@emilykmay) October 13, 2023

My kid asked me to play doctor, but decided she had to give her stuffed animals checkups before she could see me. I’ve been waiting my turn for 45 min. Starting to feel a little too realistic tbh

— The Dad (@thedad) October 14, 2023

Mom math: Buy 1 of something & you’ll immediately run out, buy 3 of it & no one will ever touch it again.

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 20, 2023

me: I just need some personal space

my 5yo: best I can do is sleep on your hair

— meghan (@deloisivete) October 17, 2023

Thinking about the time my toddler was looking at his pruny fingers after a bath and said ‘mommy they look like your forehead.’

— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) October 18, 2023

My 7yo has captured Monday energy perfectly.
Today she woke up and said “mommy do you ever wake up and want to say bad words”

All the time baby girl. All. The. Time.

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 16, 2023

Me to 8yo daughter: omg why are you like this?!

Husband: [slowly lifts mirror to my face]

— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 14, 2023

If we have to self checkout everything now can we get a bigger workspace? I’m tired of trying to stack a week’s worth of groceries into a space the size of a cookie sheet.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 14, 2023

My son told me it’s time for me to wax my upper lip and I told him to stop being jealous my ‘stache is better than his.

— Bog Witch BG (@bgschnikelfritz) October 19, 2023

9, “Ugh, I never want to be a grown up. You get excited about buying socks.”

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) October 11, 2023

Overheard my kids whispering outside my bedroom door and one of them said “she hasn’t had coffee yet” and then they both backed away from my door and it was quiet again.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) October 18, 2023

Me: Why aren’t you smiling in your school picture?
Child: Because I’m at school.
Me: So?
Child: Can I see your work ID?
Me: OK never mind I get it.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2023

My 5-year-old was coloring when she stopped, looked me directly in the eye, and said “I don’t want to do crimes," which SHOULD be reassuring but lemme tell ya… it is not

— The Dad (@thedad) October 15, 2023

my teenage daughter just ended an argument with me by saying "plus you dress like adam sandler" as if THAT was what was going to break me

— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) October 14, 2023

My mom enjoyed nearly 4 years as Grandma but thanks to my youngest her name is now Bogma

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) October 16, 2023

My 3yo doesn’t understand the concept of Halloween decorations and keeps dragging our skeletons inside to play with them. I told him it didn’t make sense to have Halloween decorations inside bc nobody can see them and he said, extremely seriously “they’re part of our family.”

— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 17, 2023

Tried to save some money by getting Halloween candy at Aldi. I hope kids like Twicks, Skattles, and 4 Musketeers.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 17, 2023

Me: Your teacher said you clean up her desk everyday at school.

7-year-old: Yeah.

Me: Why don't you clean up at home?

7: I come here to relax, not work.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2023