20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

Yesterday was a day that will go down in infamy in our family as The Honey Incident: the 3 year old brought a FULL container of honey to her room, opened it, and the 1.5 year old spilled the whole thing and spread it all over the room. I will be reminding them of this until I DIE

— eli 🕯✨ (@nienna121) June 12, 2024

My oldest son informs me that it’s been three weeks since he graduated high school and he still hasn’t used trigonometry.

— Upside Dad (@UpsideDad) June 10, 2024

We are taking care of our child-free neighbors' dog this weekend and every time we go over there my kids marvel over how clean the house is and wonder why and how it's so much cleaner than our house. Such a mystery.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 9, 2024

If you have kids under the age of 6 and fun plans this summer, DO NOT tell them about the fun plans until you are literally arriving at the plans. Pulling up to the gate.

— sarah (@sarahradz_) June 12, 2024

Kids be so pure. My son was telling me how his friend’s dad works at Panda Express. I asked could he get us the hook up. My son said he didnt know but asked me why i didnt have a useful job for our life like that

— That Fred Character (@Frediculous) June 8, 2024

If I awakened at dawn's early light and opened my mouth and howled, and someone brought me crackers and cheese and blueberries, I would simply consume them, with gratitude, and not even dream of yeeting them upon the floor

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) June 12, 2024

My 7yo said, “Did you know that a long time ago they had school houses with one room?” <long pause> “Mom…did 𝙮𝙤𝙪 go to a school with one room?” 😭😭😭

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) June 12, 2024

When my 4yo woke up, she said "I'm so excited for my party today," and I have no idea what she's talking about.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) June 10, 2024

No one:

My kid from the other room: nothing broke!

— meghan (@deloisivete) June 8, 2024

“Your daughter has been training the other children to cry on demand, seemingly in order to disrupt the class” is among the many things that parenting books have not prepared me for

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) June 11, 2024

[On a road trip]

Kids: Oooh a Waffle House! Can we eat there?!

Husband: Hard pass. I’ve seen y’all fight, and frankly, it’s not gonna cut it.

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) June 9, 2024

[At a restaurant]

Alright kids, what combination of starch and cheese are you gonna have this time

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) June 10, 2024

You ever scrub your baseboards and think that for once in your life you’ve got it together

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) June 11, 2024

My daughter wanted to go to the park and I really didn’t feel like it so she said “you could bring your new book and sit in the sun” and now we’re at the park

— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 8, 2024

Our 5yo is in a DIY hair phase and I’m considering pinning a note to her back explaining that she does have parents who love her, they are just picking their battles.

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) June 12, 2024

me: it’s weird there are so many stoners in high school now. the whole time I was in high school, I never even saw a beer, and no one did drugs

my children:

me:

my children: mom, we don’t know how to tell you this, but they did, you were just a nerd and they didn’t tell you

— 🌈Dr. Frizzle (@Swilua) June 12, 2024

Being a grownup is mostly just waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 12, 2024

Throwback to when it was “80’s day” at my child’s school and my very contrarian child noticed they never specified which century pic.twitter.com/Eeo6JYtYBe

— 🌈Dr. Frizzle (@Swilua) June 11, 2024