20 of the Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week

My grandad has just reminded me of the time my daughter sat on his knee and made up the most amazing story he’s ever heard, it’s been two years and I still can’t bring myself to tell him that it was The Lion King.

— Lucy Beaumont (@LucyABeaumont) February 24, 2024

My kids are playing doctor’s office and the receptionist just said, “the doctor will see you in five seconds” and this is the least realistic game I’ve ever seen.

— Courtney Ellis 🎈 (@courtneyellis) February 24, 2024

When I was growing up, water was the only approved drink between meals.

Yesterday my son asked for milk after playing outside at my parents' and my dad poured his grandson a giant cup of CHOCOLATE milk.

🧐

IT WAS NOT EVEN ANYONE'S BIRTHDAY OR ANYTHING.

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 25, 2024

My kid cleaned the kitchen without being asked, and now we wait to see what she wants.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 24, 2024

Three year old daughter has acquired my work lanyard and is now strutting around the house with it around her neck declaring ‘I’m so so so soooo important’ in extremely pompous voice. Most devastating critique I’ve endured in years

— Stephen Dziedzic (@stephendziedzic) February 24, 2024

My toddler is going through his “MINE!” phase which also applies to me. My husband was giving me a hug and my toddler looked at us aghast, pointing and saying “No! NO! Mine!!” and it’s the first time in a while I’ve had two guys competing for my love

— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) February 25, 2024

I went to a 7-year-old’s birthday party because he’s a classmate of my 6-year-old. I was confused because I kept seeing the child everywhere, popping up in every corner.

Finally my kid said, “Mom, you should know he has a brother that looks JUST LIKE HIM.”

Twins. They’re twins.

— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) February 25, 2024

My 11 year old has just told me to check out this band he's listening to called "Nirvana" & their song "smells like teen spirit" apparently they are good.

— Emilie (@EmSilverwood91) February 26, 2024

“I love laying down when I haven’t laid down all day.”

– My son, 8, seeing into my very soul

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) February 16, 2024

when i say "sorry for the mess!" i don't mean that there's a lone toddler jacket on the couch, i mean you're in danger of tripping over a potato.

— emily petrini (@emilykmay) February 26, 2024

Be warned that if you buy your 5 year old a watch, you are going to get minute by minute updates on what the current time is

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 27, 2024

Being a parent is getting excited about hearing your favorite song come on the radio only for your 12y/o to ask…“Is this what you used to listen to on the Oregon Trail?”

— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) February 27, 2024

I asked my 13-year-old what time I need to pick her up tonight. She told me to check the practice schedule she already gave me. That's the kid version of "as per my last email."

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 27, 2024

I called to my son from another room and he yelled “just text me” and that’s all you need to know about parenting teens.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) February 27, 2024

I never eat breakfast at home, but when on vacation I go out for breakfast every day and am like “YES I’D LIKE THE STARVING LUMBERJACK GUTBUSTER PLATTER AND A SIDE PILE OF BACON.”

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 26, 2024

If my 3 year old starts (seemingly) unintentionally speaking in an Australian accent because of how much Bluey she watches, that’s not like, permanent right

— Darby Stouffer (@DarbyStouffer) February 29, 2024

Hope your day is going better than that of my 3yo, who apparently is just now absorbing/processing for the first time that T-rexes are in fact extinct and we will not find them in any zoo. Thoughts & prayers pls.

— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 29, 2024

“I like mommy’s car better”

-My daughter in the backseat of my truck having to use a Home Depot receipt to wipe her nose.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 29, 2024

My three kids are roughly the same age as Kate Middleton’s so I can say pretty confidently that she is hiding in the bathroom pretending to pee for a really long time.

— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) February 28, 2024

Apparently my 9yo daughter's imaginary friend is the ghost of an 8yo girl named Rose who died of the bubonic plague 200 years ago and I’m sure this is a completely normal developmental stage……..

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 24, 2024