Here’s a little round-up of some of the funniest tweets I’ve come across lately.
Hope these bring you some laughs and hope you have a great week!
Janene
#1
If you're wondering who the dumbest person in the world is, I put latte mug of tea in the microwave, but the mug was too tall, so I poured some tea out and tried to put the mug back in.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) April 23, 2022
#2
I witnessed a father and son bonding moment, but it was just my husband teaching my son the wrong way to load the dishwasher.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) January 26, 2022
#3
My mom decided today, on her birthday she wanted to break 23 years of trust and bond we had built…. By telling me I’m in the NFL and I need to pay for my own phone bill. I feel betrayed.
— Rashad Weaver (@RashadWeaver) July 1, 2021
#4
[kisses daughter goodnight]
— Count Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) February 19, 2015
Sleep tight.
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
Amazon.
"Why's it take 9 months?"
Shipping. Go to sleep.
#5
in 7th grade a boy asked me to be his girlfriend and I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly so I panicked and just said yes and then he high fived me and we never spoke again. Jamal, if you’re out there, happy 11 year anniversary
— erma (@erma_geddon) June 1, 2018
#6
Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 4, 2025
#7
THEM: please don’t take this personally
— Jonathan Edward Durham (@thisone0verhere) July 28, 2023
ME: best I can do is immediately take it extra personally
#8
😭😭😭 my aunty is so hilarious for blaming her stretch marks on my cousins. They’re all her step kids
— lindy (@Lindyyay) June 15, 2024
#9
When a grocery store changes its layout and moves everything around, I should get my groceries free the first time I'm subjected to that nightmare as a consolation prize.
— Hollie Harris (@allholls) June 9, 2024
#10
One of those leashes parents use for kids but it’s to make sure my friend doesn’t leave me alone at a party
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 13, 2024
#11
How to Uber drivers find people who are willing to constantly be on the phone with them
— Upper East Side Girl (@UESgal) June 9, 2024
#12
[walking into a tire shop]
— BOOP (@Pettyyyboop) March 2, 2025
Me: Um, hi, yes. I was wondering if I could get a front end alignment and tire rotation on this.
“Ma’am, that is a Walmart shopping cart.”
#13
i once worked with someone who told customers “sorry, it’s my first day!” any time they messed up. for 2 years straight
— makayla (@makaylathinks) May 19, 2021
#14
Me: I think I need to take the rest of the day as a mental health day.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 12, 2024
Boss: Everything okay?
Me: I just had to walk my mom through adding a new printer to a Chromebook.
Boss: Take as much time as you need.
#15
To those that put something in a closet, close the door, hear something crash and walk away
— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) July 9, 2022
You are my people
#16
Can someone explain why we can take a crystal clear picture of the moon but security cameras 10 feet away look like the picture was taken with a toaster
— greg (@greg16676935420) September 11, 2025
#17
Them: you smell nice
— Kate oh no (@Kateness8) April 21, 2024
Me: thanks, it’s the dryer sheet I just found in my sleeve
#18
dreams are fun because I go to sleep a full-grown adult then spend 8 hours terrorized by my high school locker combination
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 24, 2024
#19
Me: I’ll be home a little late today.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 22, 2024
Son: Why?
Me: Two of our coworkers are leaving the company, so we are all getting together to celebrate.
Son: Wow, you guys must have really hated them.
#20
Every day when I get home, the first thing I like to do is change into something that makes me look like I never plan on leaving my house again
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 2, 2025
